Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)


Please do not bash. I have a friend that had an abortion 5 years ago, she was date raped by her cousin and chose to not have the child. She is still so torn up about it and feels responsible for "what happened" and I keep trying to tell her it is not her fault. She called me in tears just last night.....what can I tell her to make her feel better?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:19 AM on Nov. 11, 2008 in Pregnancy

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • You are doing everything you can. It may take a long time for her to get over something like that. She should definitely be seeing a therapist if it affects her this strongly after so long. There is no magic words to make her feel better. Just be the best friend you know how to be, which it sounds like you are doing anyway.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Of course it's not her fault...she needs to seek counseling since she has not been able to get over it after 5 years. Rape is very tramatic escpecially when you know the person who did it to you...please tell her she needs to seek professional help and that it is nothing to be ashames of!! I have been to a phychiatrist before to deal with childhood issues and it helped me get passed those issues...tell her good luck and god bless!

    Answer by tall_mom42 at 2:22 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • I am guessing 5 years ago she was relatively young? I am not saying age is a reason to have an abortion, but it would play a factor in the decision. Perhaps it was better this way. The child may have suffered for her/his father's deeds. I have a friend who had a baby born of rape and she has a really hard time connecting emotionally to her. She doesn't really see her as her child, but more as a living breathing reminder of her painful experience.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 2:25 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • She really does need counselling. I have met many women through the years who have had abortions who were torn up afterwards for years. Some were suicidal. Please seek counselling. This is not a judgement on what she did or didn't do. That is done. This is learning to live with the choice she made and that will take a professional to deal with. Good luck, I wish you both the best.

    Answer by SusieD250 at 2:25 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • She was 19 and had a son already. She was more thinking about what they would tell the baby when it was growing up....what the family would say, what it would be like growing up, etc. She won't talk to a counselor b/c she has trouble opening up....I feel so bad for her

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • The only thing you can really do is continue to listen and continue to urge her to see a professional. She won't be able to move on if she doesn't.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:36 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • shes probably gonna have to go to a psycologist or however u spell it, and there going to end up giving her pills like they do to all there patients.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • poor thing. I cannot imagine being raped and being raped by my own family member!! It sounds like you are a good friend. Life can throw us some unimaginably painful blows. Just support her and suggest the counseling. She may just need you to go with her the first time. They are trained to get people to "open up" so I think just getting her there will be key. Good luck, sweetie!

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 3:32 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • its going to b ok and she shudn feel bad ovr somethn she had no cntroll ovr..common and she wuda had a baby by her cousn...she had a very gud reason to do it..

    Answer by thelook151 at 3:40 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • I have a daughter that had an abortion, when she was going through a divorce. I don't believe in abortions and offered to take care of the baby. But at the time, she felt it was the best thing for her. Now she has nightmares, guilt, hurt, and depression as well. She's had another baby (years later) and that really brought up some deep emotions about the abortion.

    I had a talk to her and she feels God will never forgive her. I told her God is forgiving and that he has already forgiven her and that she needed to forgive herself to get rid of the hurt and guilt she is feeling. We talked for a long time, we cried, and I think it was important for her to know that I forgave her. She said she always looks at my other Grandchild who is the same age as being close to what her baby would have been. Talking, caring, and understanding will go a long way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:13 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

Next question in Pregnancy

Next question overall (Religion & Beliefs)
Baptizing a Toddler???