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today i am going over to my in laws for our late christmas get together. i'm very nervous though because they smoke inside their house (a family of 4 smokers and since smoking is a social thing they usually ALL light up together) and they know my hubby and i don't like smoking around our 18 month old son. i do not smoke but my hubby does but at home he ALWAYS goes outside! i just don't think smoking around children is right! but anyways, we have kindly tried telling them this before, and usually when we're there they go in another room but we can still smell the smoke really strongly which means i know my son can! my question is, how do i really tell them that i DO NOT want smoking in the house period when we're over? if it were my house, GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE! but its not my house, its theirs so i feel bad saying anything than we already have. i just really don't think i should have to sacrifice my sons health just because they don't really care to listen to us, but yet i don't want any hurt feelings by us not going over there anymore! our relationship other than this is just fine! HELP!

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on Jan. 2, 2011 in Kids' Health

Answers (11)
  • I hear ya... but unfortunately, it's not your house. Smokers are a tough breed. Even though they love you both dearly, it's something they just do. It's not that they are being rude, because, again, it's their home. The only thing I can tell you is to try to rearrange the plans, ask them to come to your home instead. I am so sorry, because I had this issue growing up. My grandmother and the rest of her family smoked so bad, and my brother and I has asthma. There was no stopping them. I hated it. I wish you luck.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:33 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • This is a tough one, because you are going to their house. The only solution I can think of is, is YOUR mom available? If she is, maybe you and your hubby can go to the in-laws and your son can go to your mom's house? I know it's not ideal for him to miss Christmas with his grandparents, but his health is more important.

    Answer by TARARENEE at 12:36 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Unfortuntely for you it is their house and you can't tell them what to do, it's unfortunate that they don't respect you or your son to take one day and go outside. Other than not attending there's really nothing you can do. Sometimes as moms we have to do what we can to protect our children, even if it means hurting others. Remember, they're not thinking about you. Good Luck!

    Answer by Kathy675 at 12:37 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • i did ask them to come to my house, but then his mom flipped out and said "no sweetie i am making my famous meatballs, you have to come here!" lol i told her she could cook them at my house but she said she prefers cooking in her kitchen.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:37 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • tararenee, thank you for the advice but that would cause a family meltdown if i we were to do that! oh god i can see it now. plus my son is the only grandchild, so christmas is basically centered around him, so there is no way in hell that would work unfortunately. but thanks again!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:39 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • If I was you, I would keep the visit short. No matter how long you're there your baby is still exposed to the smoke, even if they're smoking outside, it's still inside from the previous times they smoked. Sorry you have to deal with in laws like this :-/

    Answer by jperry411 at 12:52 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Honestly, if it were me, I would say "If you want us there you won't smoke in the house" And DH would know that at the first cig being lighted up he had better say something cuz I would leave without him. I don't even let people who smoked HOLD my children until they have washed and put on clean clothes. One thing I absolutely canNOT stand is the smell of smoke on a baby.

    Answer by kmstockwell at 1:23 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Well if you are worried about hurting feelings then I only see two options and both will hurt someone. One do not go. Two find a babysitter. He is your son and in protecting him you are going to end up hurting feelings along the way. You do what you feel is necessary to keep him healthy and safe. I have told members of my family that I will not take my child to their home if they smoke in the house with him. It's just not going to happen. They respected that and do smoke outside when ever I am there and my nieces and nephews are over.

    Answer by angelmine2011 at 6:00 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I wouldn't expose my kids' to secondhand smoke under any condition - secondhand smoke contains more than 4,000 chemical compound, including carbon monoxide ( which poisons the human body ), ammonia, formaldehyde, and other poisons. 4 of the chemicals - benzene, 2-naphthylamine, 4-aminobiphenyl, and polonium-210 are classifed by the EPA as known carcinogens - cancer causing agents - You are the parent - you need to protect your children - they depend on you - your family should understand and respect you for protecting your child!

    Answer by Dew1 at 6:58 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • there's not much you can do since it's not your house. you can ask kindly again for them to go outside but think of it this often does your son go there, when there is so much smoke? if it's not too often, chances are he'll be ok. my mom smoked for years, while pregnant, after pregnancy...I smoked for years. I've quit way before I had kids. My point is, my breathing is fine! My lungs are clear!

    Answer by JenE1098 at 10:55 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

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