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2 Bumps

what do i do?!

i just found out last night that my 15 year old daughter lost her virginity at her friends new years eve party. she is very upset about it and she said that she was drunk. i, for one, am VERY pissed because before i let her go, i made sure i called the mother of her friend and made sure there was going to be supervision and NO ALCOHOL! "oh of course it will be supervised, and NO alcohol" was her mothers response, so i let my daughter go. well she wasn't in a good mood yesterday when she came home and all day so last night i finally approached her and asked her what was wrong. she started crying and told me that her boyfriend and her were really drunk and had sex. it makes me so sad because i love her boyfriend, they have been dating for about 6 months now and he is very sweet to her. they both are very good kids and believers in abstinence. i don't know i'm just really upset and don't really know how to handle calling the mother and asking her WHY THE FUCK SHE LIED TO ME. uggghhhhhh!!!!!!!! oh and for the record, i guess he did use a condom, i hope to god he did anyways! i'm making her an appointment tomorrow for std checks and all the good stuff. :(

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on Jan. 2, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (8)
  • I would ring the mother purely for the principle. Just let your daughter know that what she did is done now and it's not as if it was a one night stand with some random person - she's done a lot better than most people have done and hopefully she'll realise that.

    As for the mother I would go CRAZY at her. But a controlled craziness. She should not have lied to you, you need to ring her now and get the absolute truth about what that party was like, I would also inform other parents that she allows no supervision...

    I'm sorry about all that's happened, I hope you and your daughter aren't too shaken up.
    leah_rai

    Answer by leah_rai at 12:52 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • When you call the friend's mother, don't do it in anger. Think things thru first. The kids could have had stash outside. When you are angry, prople don't hear what you say. They only see your anger. Be matter-of-fact when you speak. A calm voice is listened to. Loud is ignored. And, talk WITH your daughter, not TO her. Mistakes happen. At least she confided in you. Be grateful for that.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 12:56 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • oh no i'm not mad at my daughter, and you are right i'm very glad she confided in me. we have a great relationship so i knew she was about to tell me that something was up i just didn't know it was this! but yeah i'm not going to flip on this woman, but even if the kids had a stash outside, don't you think she would notice them going in and out AND NOT TO MENTION... don't you think she would notice that they were all DRUNK? i'm sorry, there is no excuse. a supervised party should be just that, SUPERVISED. she obviously wasn't doing a very good job.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:00 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Wow. This is a tough one. Yes, the parents of the party host are responsible. For the record, my daughter's best friend snuck alcohol into my house when they were only in 7th grade. It was before a school dance and I think she was going to bring it to the dance and try to show off. This is a great kid and A student from a great family with involved loving parents. The parents were not supervising this party and I would address it with them. As for your daughter she is just as guilty for drinking when she knew she shouldn't and clearly has shown you that she can't handle peer pressure. I would keep very close tabs on her .
    jcm62497

    Answer by jcm62497 at 2:33 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • oh i know, she has only ever drank once before in her life and claims she "was able to handle it" but this time she told me she was drinking a whole lot of different liqours which just makes me very sad. i am not mad at her, but she is grounded for awhile from doing things with friends
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:44 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • wow... I have a daughter the same age and I dont know how I would feel.... but I do want to say 1) my heart goes out to you and 2) from what you posted you seem like a good mom. Im VERY glad she came to you... if nothing else focus on that and be proud. Not the way you would wish her first time would have been... but Im SO very proud you raised a young lady who feels the regret and knew that she could come to you.

    hugs... from a mom of a teen daughter.... stay strong and stay positive... this too shall pass and hopefully a good life lesson about drinking will come out of it. Next time she will make a wiser choice.
    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 9:35 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I have a daughter that is almost 16 and if anything like that happened to her I would call the police because we have a law of no underage drinking even with parents present. Like you, My daughter and I have a good relationship too. She is always texting me several times while she is at a friends. I joked with my DH the other day that we have got to make her let go of those apron stings a little bit. It's good that you are getting her checked out. I'm sure she will think twice before letting herself get into that situation again. I think you are also right in limiting her activity for awhile.

    debj49

    Answer by debj49 at 9:31 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • good handling
    san78

    Answer by san78 at 6:16 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

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