Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

What should I do for my friend? (long)

I've been best friends with this girl for around 10 years and for the last five years she was with this man that treated her terribly he cheated on her with around 10 women that she knows about, he was very emotionally abusive to her even when they were around her friends and family. I suspected that he was also phsically abusive one time he came at her like he was going to hit her but I stepped between them before he got to her. I have always been there for her and to help her. Two weeks ago he left her and I really think it's for good this time. Now she just started to date this guy ( I've never met him) she's known him for a few years and has always discribed him as an asshole and said she hated him, he just got out of jail for the third time in december. He started calling her as soon as he found out her husband left her. I hate seeing her like this and I just don't if there's anyway to help her, she doesn't understand that she's worth much more. I don't think I can watch her go through this anymore

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:02 PM on Jan. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Be completely, blatantly honest with her. Tell her exactly how you feel about it, but make sure that she knows you feel this way because you really care about her. People generally dont like others in their business, but i know i've told my best friend on a few occasions that she was making a dumb decision and it helped guide her in a different direction! She didn't like hearing what i had to say at first, but she knows i love her and only want what's best! (and vice versa!)

    Answer by MommaTurbo at 2:06 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • All you can do is talk to her and tell her that. Sometimes there is no getting out of it because they honestly feel that they are not worth much to anyone and it gets to be a comfortable relationship even though they are abusive. Because it is what they know and are used to...and when they have a great relationship with someone who is wonderful to them they will hold back because they dont feel that it is right. It is a hard thing to took a friend of mine about 4 years to be able to get into a good relationship and realize how much she is worth and what she deserves. But talk to her. I know as a friend it is hard to see but just remind her that she deserves better then that and that she is a beautiful and strong woman.

    Answer by Shelii at 2:08 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • ~OP~

    Thanks Ladies. I tried over the years to help her but that's all she's ever known. Her father was abusive and the other guy was the first guy she ever dated. Sometimes I feel like I don't even want to be friends with her anymore because I don't want to see her hurting all the time

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:17 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • So she goes from one a hole to another? Bless her heart. She must not think much of herself. I am guessing the dad did that, lowering her self esteem and devaluing her. I'd just tell her how valuable she is to me and try to build up her self esteem. Other than that I'm not sure what else you could do. Abuse seems to be so familiar to her that she thinks it's normal.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:45 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • admckenzie hit the nail right on the head. good luck to you and your friend. hopefully you can get through to her in time before she totally destroys her life.

    Answer by kim0167 at 7:43 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Why not point out to her the things that have been done to her and what a healthy relationship is like. Ask her how her relationships with her abusers have made her feel. Ask her to write it down and then ask her to write down how she would like to feel. Maybe also get her to write down where she sees herself in a few months, then a year etc. Maybe take her out to let her hair down etc and when you see her enjoy herself, tell her that is what life should be like. GL

    Answer by Awakened1 at 7:52 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • We are powerless over anyone but ourselves. It is sad because only she can change her life. She is actually the problem and not these other people. You could try and tell her, but I suspect she won't listen. I would start investing in healthier friendships. Hugs !!

    Answer by LeJane at 8:09 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.