Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Husband holds money over my head during arguments

Does anyone elses husband do this? I am a SAHM and when we argue he will make comments about how he pays for everything etc.. Soemtimes he will make little comments here and there when we aren't arguing about how he pays for this and that. It makes me feel powerless and helpless sometimes and that he doesn't appreciate me taking care of our kids.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Jan. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • Oh, this is easy. Tell to him, that very well, than change the situation: he can stay home with the kids and you can go and work. Tell him, you would be really curious how could he cope. So after that experiment you both could decide who does have the more difficult job:) I would wonder if he choose the SAHD role:P

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 2:17 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Have you tried talking to him about how he makes you feel?

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:17 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • You need to set that man straight, it doesn't matter who makes the money needed for a household, you guys are a team or at least should be, one without the other is no good! What is his is yours and "ours", but I can relate to your feeling, I had those too, until I got wise!

    Answer by older at 2:17 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Yes I got tired of this and I went back to school and got a pt job and now I am getting a second pt job now that my kids are older I will be working with my own company to make my goals come true. But yes my SO or whatever stbx was doing this all of the time. Even if you just sell Avon or Mary Kay or work a PT job it can bring some power back to you. GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:18 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Wow. Sounds like a dickhead. I doubt my husband would ever act like that. I wouldn't have married him if he was the type of person to attempt to make me feel guilty about the lifestyle choices we made together. I couldn't imagine living in a situation where the only way I was afforded any power in my relationship was through money.
    I wish you the best of luck, but I don't have any advice for you.

    Answer by Jenny-talia at 2:21 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • You can tell him how you feel (which usually doesn't work, let's be honest) or charge him for everything that you do for him. He wants to be an idiot, show him how much it costs for services that you render to him as his wife. He might rethink that stupidity and calm down. I would even charge him for sex. Yes, I said it. He'll get the point.

    Answer by KenKie at 2:27 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I stayed at home a year with each of our kids- I would never expect though anyone to be responsible for my self (food shelter,clothing whatever)-- we share the issues of "who's working today who's watching the kids and what to do with them" so that we can equally provide and rear our kids-- I have never used day care and this year I am homeschooling too-- but I pay my way no one pays for me-- life is better whne dependence is left to the kids

    Answer by MELRN at 2:28 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I have talked to him about how it makes me feel. I get an apology and then it happens again. And I have said many times lets trade places and he admits that he could never stay home with the kids and even told me once when he was at home with the kids for two days all day and night (I was home too) that he worked harder in those two days then he had at work all week, and he had me to help him!!. Yet he still holds money over my head.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:38 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Some men are scum. but in my opinion its better to have some kind of cash flowing in from your end, even if it means selling stuff on Ebay or something. It will make you in his eyes more "respectable" for some reason, some men never appreciate us moms and all our hard housewife work we have to do 24-7....but as soon as they see the dough rolling in? All of the sudden your the "omg! supermom" that can handle it all! Manage a household, chores, errands, kids, homework, dinner, work? and all his needs too!.....

    Answer by babysavy9 at 2:45 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • My husband knows better. I was a single mom when we met and working all the time. He didnt like how much I had to bust my ass to keep a roof over our heads so he asked me if I would stay home with the kids. He felt they needed a full time mom. I had been a full time mom before being a single mom so it wasnt a problem. If my husband held money over my head I would stop washing his clothes, packing his lunch, doing his dishes, and basically anything that he benefits from by me being home.

    Answer by gemgem at 2:56 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.