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Divorced women out there: How did you know your marriage was over what was the final straw? Have you ever regretted it?

I am a Christian wife & mother married for 4 years this Jan. but we Had been engaged for 5 years before that we wanted a real wedding and chose to wait until we could afford it. We have three little girls 7,5, and 2 and we have been struggling for years financially we were stuck in a crummy two bedroom apartment for 7 years which needless to say caused alot of problems between us many other factors have brought me to the point I am at now I am seriously contemplating divorce and I admit I have been unhappy for sometime but I am a damn good faker for my kids they live a sheltered life from our problems. The point is I am wondering how some women who have been here before felt. I have considered counseling but I feel unwilling to fight to save what I now feel was never there

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:06 AM on Nov. 11, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Maybe its just the financial strain putting pressure on you. Stress has a way of making people feel things they usually don't.If you are not in love with your husband anymore thats a different story,but you didn't say that. Maybe if one thing is fixed, the other will be also. Have you thought about being on your own and taking care of the girls alone. Its not easy, but can be done. You have to think about every aspect of what life will be like. Never stay for the sake of children, it won't make things better. You don't sound sure about what you want!
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 5:57 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • I agree with the PP about the possible financial strain and pressure causing your feelings. However, while I agree that you shouldn't stay "for the kids," you do owe it to them to make every effort to make it work with their dad. (Unless there's cheating or abuse going on.) Find a way to be happy; oftentimes it's just a mindset. I think you should reconsider counseling. Even if you go on your own to try to figure out why you're so unhappy.

    Oh, and I divorced my first husband, but we never had kids, so that made it a lot easier to contemplate.

    Good luck. I hope things turn around for you very soon!
    Abqmomof2

    Answer by Abqmomof2 at 6:48 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • He's been with you for more than 9 years, there's something there. If you want us to advice you to get a divorce, most of us won't, especially with the Christian part. All of us have wanted out at moments, sometimes days, sometimes months, but the hard times make us appreciate the good times even more. If there's abuse, cheating, I think you're within your religious rights to divorce, but otherwise..... I say to atleast try to make it work, there's something there to work with. I'm not a churchgoing lady but I do believe in the laws of marriage but I also believe that everyone is entitled to live their own lives so ultimately its your decision and I wish you a lot of luck.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:53 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • i agree with the stress factor, your situation is what could be making you unhappy, and maybe you have some resentment toward your husband bc of your living arrangements. my divorce was easy last straw wanted to to go to the bar i had 101 fever he didnt care alcohol was more important we did not have kids though. just make sure that it is your husband and not your situation i would try talking to someone i would hate to see you make this big of a decision and afterwards regret it because it wasnt him it was the situation. it is amazing how unhappiness about one thing can make you feel about everything. good luck its a tough one.

    sdeignan

    Answer by sdeignan at 6:55 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • ITA. There have been at least five times where I either wanted to divorce my dh or run him over with my car. But My man loves me, he loves our son, he gets up every morning to go to a job he does not like to make a living for us. And I love him for all these reasons. We are far from rich and strapped for cash most of the time, but he does not hit me, he is faithful to me and he plays his role as head of our household and provider.....and I am not giving my good thing up. If your only problem is being broke all the time....girl You have it good. If that man truly loves you and those kids, don't you throw that away, because it may never come again as good as that.
    sugarNspice930

    Answer by sugarNspice930 at 7:00 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • CONTINUED....
    I will live in a one bedroom with eight kids if my husband stays the same. Talk to him. Let him know how u feel. Now if you are being mistreated, of cheated on, or in danger...then yeah, divorce should not be ruled out. But I have looked at my marriage like this (in the run over with my car moments): Does he love me? Is he willing to do anything for me? Is our family his priority? Why did I marry him...what made me love him? Would my kids be better off? Are the answers to these questions good enough that I should stay and fight for what is mine? Or should I throw in the towel because it is too unbearable. Pray on it. Pray, pray, pray...and don't stop until you get your answer.
    sugarNspice930

    Answer by sugarNspice930 at 7:06 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Unless there is physical endangerment, I don't think divorce is an option for Christians. There are many, many things that you can do to make your marriage better. Fulfilling marriages do not just happen. They require diligent work, but the end result is well worth the investment. Your children will suffer from the legacy of divorce, and you do not want that. The first step is to recall what it was that first attracted you to your husband. Think about how you felt about him then. Look at all the positive things that are present in him right now. Our feelings really do follow our thoughts. Do not give up on this commitment that you have made to your husband and family.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:41 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • To the PP and also if a woman stays in a unhappy marriage that will make the children suffer as well.
    Now to the OP, I knew my marriage was over the day I found out he was an abuser, I really think I could of worked on other things lacking in our marriage but that was the last straw for me. I dont regret my divorce one bit and don't think I ever will. My children are a lot happier now even though they are "fatherless". You should sit talk with your hubby about what is bothering you, if he does not want to work on those things with you really whats the point in staying in an unhappy marriage? It will only make you both miserable, thus making your children miserable as well.
    czlj

    Answer by czlj at 8:48 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • i knew it was over when the sex sucked and i stopped caring if he called me names or not. i actually hoped he would hit me again so i could put his ass in jail... and of course he did!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:11 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

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