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How can my husband and I finally adjust to being parents?

My daughter is 21 months old. I have adjusted to being a stay at home mom, I think it is the best thing that we can do for our daughter, my husband only criticizes me for it . On the other hand my husband, has never adjusted to being a parent, he has become out right mean to me with comments, and when I try to talk to him, he tells me we are better off separating, and he is okay with not being a part of our daughter life because he has already messed up enough. Can any one help? I thought this stage was in the beginning of parenting not almost two years in. I desperately need some support.

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Asked by kkyllo at 5:57 AM on Nov. 11, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (14)
  • Being a parent is never easy,but, its the most rewarding experience life can give you. Maybe he is overwhelmed with everything(working to survive with a family, having a little one, being married).IIt takes 2 to make a marriage work, not 1. How hard is it on him to take care of his family financially, how hard is it on you, is your marriage worth saving. Life is hard, but, you can make it if you want to . Instead of just talking about making it work, do something to make it work. Sometimes people(men) don't like to talk and actions really do speak louder.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:05 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Perhaps he is trying to tell you something here. I've never heard of anyone say these things. If he wants out you may need to let him go. You can't fix everything and it won't work if only you are trying. You have to find a way to talk to him, but living in this situation is not good for you or your child. It is not just about him and what he wants and needs anymore.


    Answer by Teachermom01 at 6:38 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • It doesn't take two years for a person to realize they're not up for parenting. How anyone can live with a child for that long, and not care if they're a part of their life or not.. he doesn't care about her, so let him go. She deserves better, you deserve better. Having said that, if you still want to make it work and he's still living there, then there's something to work with. Good Luck to all three of you.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:46 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • people say a marriege is 50/50 , that is not true a marriege is 100/100 no matter what your spouse is putting it is still your respondablity to put in 100 percent , i have been threw alot of church serminars on marriege , every marriege is worth saving , remeber everyone confuses love with feelings to often , love can be a feeling but not always love is work it is working when u look at each and think omg i cant stand him that is when true love comes into play

    Answer by almts915 at 8:28 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • that is when you work harder for the love of him and the little one , the first step is communacating if you dont open up honestly than you are not putting a 100 percent , than tell him reassure him he is great men are like kids they need you to give them positive influence i went threw this with my husband and he will tell you this i man has to feel like winners ti feel manly if he feels like a he is not doing the best for what ever reason like if his job is not going well or say his bedroom performacne is in a slump or etc he will feel like a failure

    Answer by almts915 at 8:35 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • in everything , and it does not matter what you tell him it is him he has to over come that feeling you can help by telling him how great he is and how much he is needed , i will pray for yall just remeber this men and woman are not the same we dont think alike i learn the hard way if you want to know why a man is acting a certain way dont ask a woman ask a man , me and my husband have a great relationship but it is only cause we been threw the battles and learn and stuck in there when we want to give up, now if he leaves after well than he is not worth it but at least you can look at your child and tell them mommy put in a 100 percent

    Answer by almts915 at 8:40 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • and when your baby is grown she will do the same remebr kids do not learn from what we say they leran from what we do they mock us , how many times have you caught yourself saying wow i just sounded like my mom or dad i became my parents without even knowing it

    Answer by almts915 at 8:42 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • It sounds like you need to separate. He definately shows you that he wants to be single.


    Answer by Ivayla at 8:42 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • It sounds like your husband is a bit immature. It would probably be best if you stopped nagging him about his lack of parenting. Try just going about the business of caring for your baby and making a peaceful, loving home for her. If you don't have some other friends who are mothers, try to make some. A really good place to start is with a Parents' Day Out program. They are usually free. Also, whenever he does any little thing with her that is positive, reinforce that with a compliment. And try to ignore all the negative. Men often don't mature as quickly as do women. I think your hubby is just a little behind.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:46 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • nannyb is great that is right on , dont give up cause someone else who did not have the fight in them to do tells you too , it is worth fight for

    Answer by almts915 at 9:05 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

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