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Should I let her back in if it all goes bad?

My sister and I were adopted. This was not a good situation and my sister moved in with me when she was 17. Our birth family has reconnected with us. My sister so excited goes to Chicago were they are within a short time of talking. Now she wants to move there. The problem is most of the people she wants to live with have no job and lives off aid. While she was there they introduced her to the "party scene." So, when she came back home to "rules and standards" she is ready to move. In two weeks she will be gone. That lifestyle is why we were put in foster care to begin with. Everyone says she will be back in a few months but I don't know if I should let her back in. I am so hurt because I have took care of her my whole life and now she wants to bail on me for what she calls "freedom". If things go bad do I let her move back in? The birth family has done nothing but put a wedge between us.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Nov. 11, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • It really depends on the situation. Let her leave and do as she will, however let her know that if she ever does decide to come back that she has to meet certain standards; otherwise she will have to go her own way in regards to housing. If she does come back, she may not be someone you want in your home. Just because you are her sister doesn't make you the half-way house.
    She is your sister and you worry, but don't let her take too much advantage of you. Your husband is a part of the equation as well, and you need to think of that relationship as well, and how this could strain it.
    kar8abun

    Answer by kar8abun at 11:39 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • why dont you let up on some of the rules? mabey she wouldnt want to leave?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Sometimes people have to learn the hard way and this seems to be one of those times. If she comes back (and it sounds like she will) I would let her. When I was 17 I ran away from home to marry a man my parents did not approve of at all (who could blame them)- anyhow they said if I could not come back (didn't talk to my Dad for 4 years)- anyhow, when things got really bad they let me move in with them w/ my 2 babies. I lived there for 12 years and realized that there is no body in the world better than family. It was very hard lesson to learn but worth it because now I am super close to my parents and this time when I moved (for all the right reasons) it almost killed me to leave them. Love your sister and even though you don't agree with her choices be there for her when she falls. Good luck.
    candygirl1030

    Answer by candygirl1030 at 8:46 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • how old is she now that there are still rules?
    whitenena

    Answer by whitenena at 8:49 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • The rules and standard are we won't let her smoke in our house. She says she is 19 and should be able to smoke anywhere. My husband and I disagree. She has no job and complains when we ask her to do typical house chores.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • I am new at this so I don't know how to answer under the proper one. LOL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:52 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • well thats not that hard to do so i would just let her go. coming from someone from the chicago area she can get hurt and pulled in deep by the city life but when things get tough and she wants to come back you should let her.
    whitenena

    Answer by whitenena at 8:54 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • im from chicago its called tough love if she wants to be grown and leave let her leave but just let her know that once she is gone there is no coming back and maybe she wont go at all and if she does show her that you are not going to back down on your word. you can only do so much
    fraziersgirl

    Answer by fraziersgirl at 9:17 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • If she's 18 or over , there isn't much you can do to stop her if that's what she want to do. But you don't have to make it easy for her. Don't help her pay for the trip up there or do anything else to help her leave. If she is old enough to make a discision like this the she has to be old enough to pay for it. You have to allow her to make her own mistakes and let her learn from them on her own. Explain to her exactly how you feel about it and what your fears are. Give her the option to come home if she changes her mind. When she realizes that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Maybe you could offer to comprimise on rules or anything that she thinks might be the reason for needing more freedom if she will consider staying with you.
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 9:29 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • It does sound like a dose of reality may be good for her! Maybe you should agree to let her go for a couple of weeks or a month on a trial basis. That way it will be easier for her to leave if she wants too.
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 9:32 AM on Nov. 11, 2008