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Sex since kids

I have a four yr old and a 3 month old. Before kids, sex was fun and I anxiously anticipated it. After my 4yo, it took a while for me to be comfortable and some things that we used to do, I felt 'weird' about because 'I'm a mom'.

Every now and again since then I try to be like I was before but it's not even close My hubby tells me sometimes that he wishes I was like 'the old me', but I hold back. Since having another kid, I'm 'shy' again.

My body image and that kind of thing is fine. I've just 'changed' to the point where I'm not often that fussed if we do anything. Or timing is off etc. When we do have sex, once the foreplay is happened I feel like I'm done. Like I don't want to go past a certain 'point'.

What's wrong with me?! and how do I fix this. I'm still attracted to him etc so what's the problem?! Oh and we've been together 8yrs.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Jan. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • May I ask........

    What is it about being a mom, that prevents you from wanting to be as sexual or experience/participate in sex/enjoy sex like you did before children?

    That's the key to what is going on. A large part of female sexuality is their brains. Our sex lives, our sexuality, our sexual image of ourselves is greatly influenced by our thoughts. In order for a woman to feel sexual, to feel sexuality stimulated, we must be mentally and emotionally stimulated as well as physically stimulated..
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:28 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • It sounds more like a case of after baby body image, explain that is reason to him and that you are working on issue,, otherwise he may ust feel rejected by you.
    kingkongsmom

    Answer by kingkongsmom at 5:28 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I think because of being a mom, I feel like I'm doing something 'wrong' if I want to be more kinky. Also, because my oldest was a bad sleeper I've gotten into a pattern of wanting to rush what we're doing.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:30 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Okay, let's delve a little deeper, shall we... (lol)

    What about your sexuality, your desires, your needs, your wants, do you consider "wrong" since having children?

    and

    Why do you consider those things wrong?


    ((you do not have to go into detail about what it is you like/want.... lol.... but the questions are for you to look within yourself and find "why" you are thinking this type of thing.. Where are these thoughts stemming from, is it: because of religious beliefs, the way you were raised, fear of your partner seeing you in a different light, fear of what your children would think......etc)
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:34 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • You were a wife or s/o before you were a mom right? If it's just a matter of feeling a bit inhibited w/ kids in the house- then get a sitter, make a date night, etc. Believe me, I think a lot of couples go thru this. You're tired, your body isnt what is was, etc., but if the love & desire is still there, you have to find a way & make the time to be a couple. Good luck
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 5:35 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • denise richards was in playboy after her two kids. nothing wrong with being a sexy momma. look in the mirror and tell yourself "i'm a sexy momma"
    momofone725

    Answer by momofone725 at 5:37 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Lol Pixie. I think it's because for some reason, I have a conservative view of what I should be like. Also, when we do kinky things, that's what he wants to do all the time and then it doesn't seem spontaneous any more. I know what he'll want me to do and then he gets frustrated or sulks! when I don't want to do them. It wants me to enjoy everything, but no matter what I end up feeling like it's all too predictable.

    On top of that, I am home pretty much all the time. We don't really go out or get to spend as much time together as I would like. So I'm stuck in a 'rut'. So when it comes to sex I'm just 'blah!'
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:38 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Even though I know what the issues are and sometimes try to address them. It feels like we go back into the same slump. I don't want us to be lost in this 'boredom' otherwise there's not much to look forward to.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:41 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • You have a view of what you should be like since becoming a mom.. Okay.. how is that different from you view of yourself as a woman before becoming a mom? We were women with our own desires, needs, etc.. before becoming mothers. We are still women with our own desires/needs after becoming mothers as well. Many a woman has gone through this after children. So do men as well. This is where the whole "Madonna -Whore" syndrome came from. The idea that as a woman, once we become mothers, we must lose (or do lose) certain aspects of ourselves. That once we become mothers, we must some how no longer view ourselves as women with needs and desires.

    As far as him wanting the same things all the time. If it is something you enjoy then that's all good and you should freely allow yourself that enjoyment and pleasure in life. If it is something you do not enjoy, you shouldn't be participating for **that**reason and that reason alone.

    Cont
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:46 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • If you feel it becomes too predictable. Then you take the initiative to shake it up. You take control over your own sexuality and your own sexual needs and desires. Most men greatly enjoy (and appreciate) a woman who is comfortable enough and confident enough in her own sexuality to get in there and make sure her needs are met too. lol.... Keeping sex from becoming boring or routine is the responsibility of BOTH partners, not just one.. It takes both, being comfortable and confident not only in their own sexuality, but their partners as well. Take the initiative and you bring about new things, you shake it up, you experiment as well. It's about BOTH of you not just one of you.

    The feelings of being in a rut, come and go in most marriages (trust me, I've been married 25 years now.. lol). It's easier to break out than most think.

    Cont
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:50 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

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