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How can I leave my fianance?

I have been together with my fianance for 3 and 1/2 years, it has always been bumping but the more I am with him the more I regret not kicking him out of my life when our beautiful little boy came. He does not help with the baby, he has no ambitions in life, he will call me dumb and stupid if I do something like leave a drop of food on the table. He tells me that he looks all girls all the time and he does it in front of me, which he blames me for because I don't give him sex everyday. I have become so bitchy around everyone else that I hate it because I know I am secretly unhappy. He will also look through my journal, my phone calls, and even my facebook. He will yell at me if I text in front of him and then ask me who I am talking to. He calls my friends idiots and sults just because he feels I spend more time with them than I do with him. (Not true, I live with him and we spend lots of time together). We also live with my parents, who he takes advantage of. My mom buys the baby's food, takes care of him when I am at school and helps out as much as she can. she will pay for his needs and all he will pay for is diapers and wipes. She even puts money in his college fund and he hasn't put in a cent. He is 33 and I am 22, I accept more from him.

At times he does treat me good by getting me a sandwhich or things for me when I don't feel good ( I am constantly ill), but he makes me forget about that stuff when he treats me like shit. Our son misses him when he is not here and when he comes home he will smoke for an hour and then sit upstairs wtaching tv while I am taking care of our son. I have had such a small fuse with him, I will throw a pillow at him when he calls me the c word and I get so pissed I even smack him at times. I feel like a horrible person.
Even worse, I have been talking to a guy w who makes me feel so special and he is so nice and sweet. We have never met but we have been talking for a couple of weeks now.

I am so torned, how the hell do I end this relationship without hruting my son in the process or without getting my parents involved?

Answer Question
 
GuardianAngel27

Asked by GuardianAngel27 at 10:20 PM on Jan. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (78 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • "Dude, you're a loser. You need to be out of here tonight. Bye!"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • He is taking advantage of you, and of your family, and I'm sorry, but he doesn't love you - he loves what you do for him, and he loves that he can treat you so badly and you will put up with it.

    He's walking all over you and disrespecting you, but the thing is, there's a saying that says nobody can treat you like a doormat if you don't lay down... I understand that you don't want to hurt your son, but the thing is, don't you think it's harmful for your son to be growing up seeing his mom being treated this way, and to grow up thinking it's ok to treat people this way himself? (Because that's what he's going to learn if you keep on like this.)

    I know it's hard, but the way you end it is you tell him that while you loved him at one time, his disrespect for you has killed that love a long time ago, and that he has to move. Don't discuss it with him. Don't let him make you feel like you can't do better.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:26 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I would leave him (That's me though) There is no way I could tolerate that kind of behavior and if your unhappy, don't think your going to wake up one day and poof ...he is a new man! Your only going to become more and more miserable. If you want a better life for you and your son....I say Go!
    tracylyn245

    Answer by tracylyn245 at 10:28 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • leave he is no good for you.

    LoriAnn87

    Answer by LoriAnn87 at 10:30 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • It's easier said then done. I know from experience. But for your child you would do anything. Just think of it this way, Do you want your son to grow up thinking that is how you are supposed to treat a woman? An unhappy mom tends to make an unhappy child. Especially since you are the primary care giver. Just tell him what you feel and what is going on and you want to end it. For both your sakes. Your parents might still get involved. You are in thier house and they may not like it if he raises his voice to you. But you can end it you just have to be up front and mean it.
    angelmine2011

    Answer by angelmine2011 at 10:30 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • cont

    Don't let him think that your son needs to be around this or that it's best for your son or anything like that. He's probably going to try all those things, because for yrs now he's tried to make you feel worthless and inferior. It's over, he needs to go, end of story. Honestly, your parents probably aren't going to be able to be left out of it - you live with them and he mooches from them. Tell them you deserve to be respected by your spouse, you don't love him, and you want him to leave. I'm betting they will support you with this.

    Oh, and btw, him bringing you a sandwich when you're sick, etc - that's great, but there's more to a healthy relationship than that. After all, I would take a sandwich to a neighbor if they were sick - that doesn't mean I love them or should be with them, kwim?

    You deserve love and respect, and you won't get it with him. Stay strong, you can do this!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:30 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • You need to be happy. How can you take care of yourself and your son if you are not happy. Leave him, kick him out and then when the time comes have the talk about it with your son.
    bewitchedmom

    Answer by bewitchedmom at 10:32 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Eeek. I know what your going through. I was with my fiance for over 4 years. I finally broke up with him in September, but I needed the support of my family. It's hard to leave a situation that's abusive whether it's physical or mental. You're going to need your family's support. I know it's embarrassing to get them involved but sometimes it's the safest way to go.
    myree85

    Answer by myree85 at 2:13 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I agree with sailorwifenmom by my own similar experience. You will be so much happier when you leave him, TRUST me. Even if you're afraid of the unknown ahead (can you make it on your own financially, will you still have your support system?), believe me, you can.

    Your son is so young that he doesn't need to be influenced by his father's behaviors and model them as he grows. He will adjust to life as you make it just fine. Teach him, comfort him, talk to him and he will adapt to your enviornment and he'll be happy seeing his mommy happy. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about here.

    Best wishes.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 8:54 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • You should EXPECT more from your FIANCE.How can you be TORN? If he calls you the "C" word, kick him out. I would NOT take that from any man. Your son will be better off without him as a Dad ---he will set a bad example .
    He makes you a sandwich and that makes you happy??? Holy cow !!!
    Sometimes it is MUCH better to be alone.
    kerp1960

    Answer by kerp1960 at 6:38 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

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