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3 Bumps

How has an open adoption worked for you? Should we?

 
WalknWithGod

Asked by WalknWithGod at 12:24 AM on Jan. 3, 2011 in Adoption

Level 18 (5,044 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • not really the same but sorta!
    I am a Traditional Surrogate (meaning my egg) to 3 babies.
    I picked out the family and got to know them before, and during the pregnancy. We still keep in touch and my kids (16,15, 10, 8) all know their "half-sibling". It's worked out very well.

    (I am also adopted but it was a closed adoption. I cannot think of any good reasons for keeping it closed)
    Roadfamily6now

    Answer by Roadfamily6now at 12:52 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • have searched for her later. It would be much harder later to help him when he wanted to find his birth family. To not even have a name is crazy to me. I do have some fears but I keep them to a dull roar and don't let it get out of control. Fears are not a good way to parent.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:03 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • We have an open adoption with our son - the situation is kind of not the norm, but that's ok.

    He's pretty young still (he's 5) and understands that he grew in Mya's tummy but that God made DH and I his Mommy and Daddy. Mya is a name that only he calls her, it's a Greek term of endearment sometimes used for a Mom/Mommy. It's good for her because she gets to see him and be in his life.

    We don't have an open adoption with our 9 yr old - her birthmom is in prison for issues surrounding dd's case but we HAVE allowed DD to send letters to her - she hasn't asked to in over a year now, though. Bmom did have another baby 23 months ago and we brought that baby straight home from the hospital. We hope to finalize adoption on her this year - bmom hasn't ever seen her since 1 day old. :(

    Good luck to you!
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 2:41 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Our adoption was a private adoption. My son's birth mom and I got to know each other during her pregnancy. Five years later we sill have a strong bond and a very special one. The promises I made to her, are the promises I kept. We are blessed that we have our friendship. For us, we feel this is so important but we feel it is most important for our son. I have known some adoptees who know nothing about their birth parents, and to me that is sad. I feel blessed to know that my son's birth mom is still a part of our lives, that if and when my son ever wants to see her he can. Adoption situations vary, but I believe an adoptee has a right to know information on their birth parents.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 7:42 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Our twins were born in 2009. We have an open adoption, and there are times I love it and hate it. Over all, it was/is the best decision for us. The process of open adoption is extremely stressful -- the "marketing" of oneself and networking and all that crap can really wear you down. We also had issues with our agency. Our birthmom called us when she was just 12 weeks along and had no idea she was carrying twins. Our relationship during her pregnancy was very close, as she had little emotional support and a son with special needs to care for. Our relationship continues to be close, but that can be a double-edged sword. There have been times when I wanted some space to be just a mom -- not an "adoptive mom". I didn't want adoption to define our family. By now, we have all worked into our own comfort zones for the most part. I love that our kids will always know their birth mom and have answers to important questions.
    HeatherD1028

    Answer by HeatherD1028 at 11:32 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • It has and it hasn't worked for us. It is complicated. Our son's birth mother has our information and can contact us at any time. She has chosen to not continue contact at this time. I respect this but sometimes on holidays and birthdays I jump thinking it might be her when the phone rings. Since we have not talked to her in awhile it is hard to judge if she will be appropriate and is well enough to have contact with my son. With more steady contact I would feel I had a better sense of where she is mentally and emotionally and if she would be appropriate with him. The good news is we have her name and other information that would easily allow us to find her and know her status: if she is alive or not. There is some question now about her current status. I don't think there is any benefit to having that information closed to us. Had we not met her and known her name then I don't think we could have ever really
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:00 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

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