Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Help please !!

My son is 4 1/2 and he is getting out of control. He does not listen to me no matter how I discipline him for it, I can't turn my back on him for a minute before he is in to something. I can't talk to my DH about it because he just tells me I need to try harder. The problem is I've done everything I can think of and nothing works. If you ladies have any advice or suggestions I will gladly listen.

Answer Question
 
countrygirl06

Asked by countrygirl06 at 1:24 AM on Jan. 3, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 19 (8,192 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • what have you done to punish him
    yankeegirl87

    Answer by yankeegirl87 at 1:25 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I've taken away his toys , his tv time, put him in time out, sent him to his room and, although I'm probably going to get it from some moms about this, I've spanked him lightly a few times and nothing is working. I don't know what else to try, and I've tried redirecting him too.
    countrygirl06

    Comment by countrygirl06 (original poster) at 1:31 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Time out chair. If he gets up, put him back. They say 1 minute for each year. If he gets up before the alloted time, put him back in the chair. Be firm, don't yell, he'll eventually get the message that you're serious. It'll be hard at first, but stick to it. Once he's completed his time, have him apologize and hug and make up. It really does work, just takes ALOT of patience from you. Good luck :)
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 1:31 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I am having this same issue & it drives me nuts remember to stay calm it doesnt help to yell, punishment well start taking the things away that mean the most to them & just dont take it for a few days try a few weeks so he can know that this is not a game and you will not tolerate bad behavior and disrespect i know this may seem harsh let me say this my son is getting the big picture now and is starting to behave do what you can now because it will only get worse as he gets older
    Marie_07

    Answer by Marie_07 at 1:32 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I would just ignore him....competlely. Of course unless hes doing something harmful to himself or others. Once he sees your not paying any attention to him hes most likely to stop. I'd say the best advice for what NOT to do... is to not use physical force, yelling or showing him hes getting to you, and definatly do your best to not let it stress you out. Is he big on making messes??? A good way for him to have some fun would be to get him some pudding ( a little bowl or something ) and let him just smear it all over the table. Making shapes in it, or drawing his name if he can, or whatever. It will be him making a mom approved mess. Pudding is pretty easy to clean up and safe for him of course. If hes throwing a major tantrum or making a mess tell him if he stops throwing his tantrum or making a mess he can play in the pudding at the table and only at the table =) Just a fun thought
    mrsrowland86

    Answer by mrsrowland86 at 1:38 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • if nothing is working its because he is crying out for help. Either he is very bord, which means he's very intelligent & needs to be actively doing things. If he is in need of attention & extra loving, but hasn't gotten what he feels he needs, then sees the only way to get you involved in his life is to act up, he's going to continue to do it because right now, something is going on in his little mind. Whether he's feeling left out, lonely, or has so much energy but doen't know how to get it out of his system, he's going to act up until someone helps him. There is a saying,"You get more with honey than you do vinagar." He doesn't have the words/understanding the changes in his body. Maybe making a Mommy/son day? Getting on line to find activities for over active childen. Set up a chart w/stars. Help w Positive behavior. Ask him what he wants if he gets so many stars? Let him run,jump, exercise that energy & his mind. Have fun!
    WalknWithGod

    Answer by WalknWithGod at 2:00 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I would try time outs as well as a reward system.

    You really should try and get your DH to listen to how you are feeling. Since he sounds like he has a handle on things, what exactly is he doing? Or is he just oblivious to it all?
    AllThatBabyJazz

    Answer by AllThatBabyJazz at 2:12 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Yea my DH has a handle on the kids but I'm not sure about the way he goes about it, and can't do it no matter how hard I try. He scares them into listening to him, my 3 year old is terrified of her dad and will not go anywhere near him if he's in a bad mood. My son is an exact copy of his dad so it doesn't affect him the same way. And I'm sorry but I don't think scaring them is the right way to get him to listen to me.
    countrygirl06

    Comment by countrygirl06 (original poster) at 2:20 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I hear it's not uncommon for that kind of behavior in 4 yr olds. My DD was not out of control when she was that age but there were some DEFINITE changes in her behavior. I received all kinds of advice but what works for one mom is not guaranteed to work for another. I learned to choose my battles. When she would do something I considered unacceptable I would get down to her eye level, close to her face & I would be VERY stern. I would tell her it was my turn to talk & her turn to listen. I would explain that what she did was not ok & why. I stopped telling my DD "no" & started telling her "you may not". I never heard my DD tell me "no" again. If I didn't want her doing something I explained why before I redirected her. If she knew the consequences she seemed less likely to repeat. For positive reinforcement I used "time together" i.e., picnic brunch @ the park for just the 2 of us if she was good after a certain amount of time
    MomOfTheWillful

    Answer by MomOfTheWillful at 2:41 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • CONTINUED... when my DD started school her teacher used a reward system i.e., when a child stayed on green then she would stamp their hand so their parents would know they behaved well all day. After 2 weeks of good behavior she was able to choose a toy out of their class prize box. I also began to reward her for this. Essentially my daughter was now being rewarded for good behavior @ home and rewarded @ school & home for good behavior while in school. Before this I had tried time outs & taking toys away never seemed to work. Focusing on positive reinforcement definitely did the trick w/ my DD & b/c I stayed consistant after a time it seemed like everything just clicked w/her. Like someone flipped a switch. LOL Now I no longer want to sell her to a zoo. Good luck!
    MomOfTheWillful

    Answer by MomOfTheWillful at 2:52 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN