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Could you be in a relationship like this?

My friend has been with this guy off and on for a little under 2 years. I think the longest time they have dated consecutively is maybe 7 months. They have a 5 month old son together now. He is still married to his wife but they are separated and there is always some excuse as to why they have not gotten a divorce yet. Ever since she got pregnant she stopped working completely and moved in with him. He buys the baby some things but her parents do most of the buying, and he refuses to pay for ANYTHING that is directly benefiting her.When his pay check comes in, he puts the money to pay bills into her bank account so she can pay them, and then he puts the "fun money" into his own account for him to spend only. He wouldn't even add her to his cell phone plan and get her a phone, so they were sharing one until recently when her dad added her to his plan so that she would have a phone in the event of emergency while she is home alone with the baby. When I text her , he responds and tells me to stop texting her while they are spending time together and to only text her while he is at work. She just recently traded her FULLY paid off truck for a "family" car that is only in HIS name, not hers. His dad is a co-signer so he talked her into that stupid crap by telling her that it has to be only him and his dad on the title because 3 people cannot be added. She asked him a couple weeks ago if she could go get her hair cut and her eyebrows waxed and he told her "I tell you what, if you lose 50lbs you can go and do that." Seriously?? WHAT THE HELL?? She basically has nothing of her own anymore and this guy has such a bad rep for getting angry and kicking her out. I am just afraid that he is going to pull one of his crazy stunts, get pissed off one day and go on a power trip and kick her out of the apartment (which is in HIS name only). She won't even have a vehicle to take with her because she let HIM trade it in! I just cannot imagine why anyone would put themselves into this kind of situation where you are 100% dependent on a man that has done nothing for you at all. It is sad really.. before she met this guy she was a person I really looked up to and admired..very strong and independent and was the type that didn't put up with anyone's bull shit. I guess this post is partly a RANT, but I wanted to throw it out there and get some opinions because this is just insane to me!

 
Ctink8189

Asked by Ctink8189 at 9:39 AM on Jan. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 21 (11,991 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • No, I could never be in a relationship like that. I would not be able to have a child with a married man that I've been with "at the most, 7 months consecutively". I could not have chosen to quit working upon getting pregnant and putting myself in the position of being dependent on a man who clearly isn't commited to me. I would not be stupid enough to trade in a vehicle that I own for a car in someone else's name and I would not live in an apartment without my name on the lease. I would not choose to live with a man who thinks it appropriate to tell me if, when, and under what circumstances I can get my hair cut.

    Everyone wants to be angry and upset with him - and sure, maybe he's a jerk - but let's be honest here: these are HER choices.
    caseyandkids

    Answer by caseyandkids at 10:03 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Unless she wants to leave, talking is useless. She probably cannot see how bad it is from the outside-in.

    I wouldn't want to be in that relationship but some of the ones I was in were as bad as that in comparison. Then again, I couldn't see how unhealthy they were while I was in them either.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:43 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • No way, no how would I be in a relationship like that. The crappy thing is that the only one that can do something about it is her, and it doesn't sound like she's inclined to. You can talk to her until your blue in the face, she's not going to make any changes until she wakes up.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:43 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Well said, caseyandkids!
    snivic

    Answer by snivic at 10:12 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Nope I wouldnt be in that kind of relationship. He sounds controlling.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:41 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Nope, I wouldn't be in that kind of a relationship sounds like a control freak. I like to do what I want when I want.
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 9:45 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I would never be in that kind of a relationship, child or not.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 9:51 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • She need to go back to work. Ask her dad for help with transportation. take care of heself, work out fix her ,and nails leave the loser, she can find a nice guy.
    genevieve55

    Answer by genevieve55 at 9:52 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • He is a controlling asshole but she is also to blame for taking up with him and allowing the behavior to continue. If she were smart she would wake up and see what a jerk he is and leave his sorry ass!
    As for me, I would never have taken up with him to begin with (since he is only 'separated') and I certainly would not have had a kid with him, moved in with him, or let him control my life. I sure as hell would NOT have allowed him to trade in MY car and get a new one in HIS name!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:49 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Wow, she's certainly made some really terrible choices, hasn't she?
    Gaccck

    Answer by Gaccck at 11:04 AM on Jan. 3, 2011

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