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4 Bumps

My husband is thinking about separating and I am afraid there is someone else

We have been under financial stress. We have 3 kids and I work 2 jobs. My husband has been out of work but is working now. We had a huge fight (he was drinking) and he said some horrible things. I said "That's it, I want a divorce" . I did not mean it and I don't know why I said it but he won't leave it alone. I told him that I was just upset but he has turned this whole thing around on me even though he was just horrible to me. Now he says he wants to leave me and we have had the best marriage and relationship for 8years. He hasn't spoken to me in 4 days. I finally texted him from work today saying that I am tired of the game. (He even packed his things in front of our children). He texted back saying that he may want to try to work things out but that he feels he needs to separate for a couple ofdays. What does this mean? He is a great husband and father but I fear he wants to leave to make sure it's me he wants.Overreating?

Answer Question
 
worriedsick810

Asked by worriedsick810 at 12:18 PM on Jan. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • He might just need a cooling off period. Let him cool off for a couple days but make sure you have a "date" to talk it over set at the end of his desired seperation. Don't set it too far in the future, I would suggest letting him cool off for 2-3 days and then have the kids at a grandparent's or babysitter's house when he comes home so you guys can talk.
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 12:21 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • This is what I would tell him. If you leave/walk out that door. We are finished. I do not believe in trial seperations. we are either together or we are not. NO, leaving for a couple of days. Go sleep in the other room, that is about it.
    For now, do not call him or text him. See how long it takes him to contact you. Remember he left, you didn't. This is all on him.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:27 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • o.p please pm me it'd beeasdier to talk that way i went through this b4
    mamabeard3

    Answer by mamabeard3 at 12:28 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • hugs

    sunflower1986

    Answer by sunflower1986 at 12:29 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • im sorry

    sunflower1986

    Answer by sunflower1986 at 12:30 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I'm sorry and I hope you guys are just going over a bump in the road.From what you say you two have had a good marriage so it would be a shame if he throws it away.I wouldn't jump to any conclusions like him cheating and I would advise that you don't get heated and accuse him.I tend to agree with the one reply saying that he should stay in the home but if he really wants space then he could sleep on the couch for a few days.You can't make him stay though..in any case I hope he cools off at work and decides to stay or if he does leave for a few days that you guys work this out..GL
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 12:46 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Im sorry you are going through this. SO and i have the rule that if you walk out, don't come back. Im not going to deal with maybe he wants to work it out... Either he loves you, and he was just upset, or this is his way of trying to ease you into divorce a little easier... Only he knows for sure..
    But also, when SO and i fight, I don't take anything he says seriously. I listen to him, and try and talk to him, but if he is just upset and saying dumb shit, i tell him that until he can talk to me with respect, he shouldn't talk anymore.
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 12:47 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I agree with what PPs are saying. A husband and a father who walks out that door should have it shut behind him. It is not fair for the children to see their father leave and then have to wonder if he is coming home. Make it clear to him that if he leaves that you are through. He may want his space but sometimes what needs to happen in a marriage trumps what we want. If he is stressed and needs some man time tell him to go ice fishing (or whatever men do around there) with his buddies. But a man who walks out on his family shouldn't get the option to choose to come home when he decides he liked it better with them.

    Also I have learned that in a marriage when fighting or not, never say anything that you aren't willing to back up--threatening divorce when you don't really want divorce is as unfair as name calling. IMO I know that things get heated but sometimes when you can't hold your tongue you just have to walk away.
    AshleyBishop06

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 12:53 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • also, for the future. When one or both of you have been drinking hold the fighting or serious discussion until both parties are alcohol free.......because there really is no reasoning with someone who is drunk.
    AshleyBishop06

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 12:55 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Also ..and this I believe is the most important advise..don't tell your husband that you want a divorce unless you really mean it! I know it was out of being upset and i've been there too but it causes damage..just try to watch what you say when angry/upset.
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 12:55 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

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