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Jaded

My bf is stationed over in afganistan now and wont be home for at least another 6 to 8 months. He is afraid that i will cheat on him while he is there. I keep telling him that i will wait on him and that he has nothing to worry about. The reason he is like this is that the mother of his children cheated on him while they were together and he was over in iraq a few years back. I just want him to believe me that i am not like his ex. He is afraid that becasue we are not together i will. I understand what he is thinking because i have had the same thing happen to me while i was apart from my ex. He cheated on me. This one is great and I think there is a futere for us but how do i make him trust me enough to know that i wont hurt him like her.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:40 PM on Jan. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You can't "make" someone trust you, but you can help build trust. Make sure he "sees" you being faithful; remind him of how much he is loved/missed, talk to him about the future, etc.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 12:42 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • theres really nothing you can do but give him your constant love and support every single day. when he gets back and sees how so very happy you are to see him, he will know the truth. :)
    psylees_mommy

    Answer by psylees_mommy at 12:43 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Thats hard... not just because what happened in his last relationship but all around him left and right his buddies are finding out that their spouses or GF's have cheated. Its hard for them not to think about what's REALLY going on at home. Good Luck!
    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 12:43 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • The only problem here is that even people around him will feed him that crap. My husband is deployed and even the higher rank people who are in charge of them tell them don't be surprised if their wives cheat on them because it always happens.
    You just have to keep telling him you love him and he's the only one you want. Even if you say in a hundred times it's sometimes hard to believe when all the hear over there is spouses cheating again and again.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:43 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • The only way you can really MAKE someone trust you is to just show them (over time of course) that they can. It doesn't happen over night. Especially in military relationships when they were away for long periods of time. My DH never had a thought in his mind that i'd ever do something like that until he got over to Iraq and the horror stories started getting stirred around and he seen it happening to other men working with him. Lucky enough for us we have been together for so long and already have a solid foundation to go on. Just remind your man that you are NOT his ex and never will be.
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 12:44 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Tough question. And I can't believe in long distance relationship. If he doesn't trust you than you can't really do anything but do not cheat on him, show him every day you are 100% next to him, you love him and you do so really miss him. My SO is with us all the time and he wouldn't think to move somewhere where we couldn't be together. So I am lucky. But I believe that a relationship need a partner who is your best friend, your ally, husband, father of your children. If someone is not there than he is just not there. Not really a whole family. But it is just my feelings. There are loads of army wives out there who can tell you better advices because they are in the same shoes as you. I am sorry you can't be with your love:( Hugs.

    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 12:47 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • He has trust issues and he's the only one that can change those feelings by learning to trust again. You can stay faithful to him but until he realizes that he has issues, he will always accuse you of cheating. I say, don't worry about it. Keep living your life and if he has those issues then advise him to seek help...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:59 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • He will begin to believe you when he sees that you are backing up what you are saying. Just encourage him that although many spouses & girlfriends may not wait for their servicemen, that you are not like that. THEN, he will learn through experience that you are a woman of your word!
    etexmom

    Answer by etexmom at 12:20 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

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