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I cant take much more rejection from my own kid.

My son will be four at the end of this month. For almost two years now, I have been becoming sadder and sadder bc it appearent that he could care less if I were around or not. I literally do everything for him. Not spoliing him everything, just I work only to put him in a nice preschool. Yes I know that doesnt matter to him. I make life so FUN for him. Activies that he loves. All that jazz. My dilemma- my son cannot stand for me to hug on him or ever come crawl in my lap when we're watching movies. I made him a bowl of peppermint ice cream to watch Christmas movies, he crawls in Daddy's lap. He cries out for Daddy when he's hurt or sick even if he's at work. What do I do? I know he doesnt realise all these things, but Im becoming SUPEr depressed feeling like chopped liver to my own kid. Hes sometimes downright mean about not wanting me. Id never walk away from my motherly duty, I love him so much. I just dont know what to do to ge thim to be nice and like me.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Jan. 3, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • They always seem to go after the one that they don't get as much attention from.Its just the way it goes sometimes.Don't feel depressed dear.I'm sorry for you,but it will change.YOU DO NOT NEED THERAPY!!that"s crap! If you get depressed try something new with him.Bake some cookies and really involve him.Hang in there.You are doing a great job !!Proud of you too!!!:)
    grismelda

    Answer by grismelda at 1:44 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • Honey, honestly it is your reaction to everything that isn't normal, not your son's reaction. You need to go talk to a therapist. You need help. Good luck.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 1:52 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • He's four years old, it's normal for him to "prefer" one parent over the other and then switch back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I'm no expert, but I have read about this before. It is totally normal and very common for toddlers to prefer one parent over the other for periods of time. They often switch back and forth for certain periods of time. I also read that it is normal for a stay at home parent to be the non-preferred person! I know the rejection hurts but it will pass and you shouldn't take it personally. Kids live in the moment. He loves you and guaranteed, if you weren't around, he'd be missing you terribly. Give it some time. I'm sure things will change very soon. Hey, maybe take advantage of this time now because in another month or two, he may be clinging to you 24/7! Hope this helps.
    Heidi70

    Answer by Heidi70 at 2:00 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I think it was rather sh*tty for you other moms to tell this mom she needs therapy. I'm not far enough in "points" to click the thumbs down button, but I so would if I could. Shame on you... I would be hurting in your situation, too. Our youngest DD is a total mama's girl. I feel bad because I can see how hurt DH is when she turns her nose up at him. He wants her to like him, too. It's not his fault he's not here as much as I am or that she's more connected to me. That doesn't make it hurt any less for him, though. I'm sure this will pass & in time you and your son will find some common ground. I hope your DH is understanding in this situation & not encouraging the behavior. It's ok to prefer one parent over another, but he has to understand he must respect you both, too. I correct DD if she's fresh to her daddy & I'm sure to be noticeably polite to him when she's around to set a good example. (((hugs))) to you!
    CrunchyCarol

    Answer by CrunchyCarol at 11:08 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I think its normal. I do everything for my kids and stay home with them but when daddy comes home its all about daddy. Im a grandmother also and my daughter is 22 with a 4 yr old and sometimes feels that way with him. He wants his daddy all the time and not her and she is the only one working. Her daughter is different though and only wants her. The thing is they take us for granted. Were mom. We fix everything. We get everything for them. We kiss the boo boos. We clean them. We dress them. That isnt always fun to them. Just wait and itll work itself out. My boys are now 18, 17 and 10 and cant get enough of me.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:38 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • My son is 3 and went through a month long "Daddy Phase" that tore my heart out also - he ONLY wanted daddy for everything ( what FELT like everything ) It literally made me angry and SO sad at the same time- then it quickly snapped in to "mommy phase" which is MUCH easier for me to deal with and is lasting SO long but I can see from my husband how hard it must be because he ONLY wants me, MY husband says he loves him and he says, I ONLY LOVE MOMMY - its all about me -and thats it - I think its more a phase than anything.. I don't think my son "GETS" that he can love us both, he just knows he craves mommy for everything right now.. I am sure it will pass. I know my son has never been a cuddler/lover so at first, I took that as rejection also - that my own child pushes me away,.. turns out that is just MAX..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:40 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Im practically beggin God to make him into a Mama's boy. It just hurts my heart.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:44 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • It isn't as if your child has an attacvhment disorder. He seems well bonded to his father at least. Part of this is just flat out normal for little kids. Another part may be him reading you. If he feels sadness, apprehension, fear or anger..he will react to that. I think a lot of people think little kids are dumb. They are way more tuned in to the 'unspoken' in their homes than some adults give them credit for. I think it would be great if you sought some sounseling, at minimum with your Dr about this. You sound so depressed.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 1:58 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Seek out a certified play therapist. They can help you and help your child develop a stronger relationship through therapeutic play. Make sure the play therapist will teach you special play techniques at home that will allow you develop the skills in real time it takes to foster more closeness. It is not about your son. It is about your feelings and responses to what you perceive as rejection. You are not doing anything extraordinary for your child - you are doing what every parent who loves their child does. But with some therapeutic counseling you may be able to have a different perspective on your thoughts and feelings about who your child prefers or appears to prefer.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:09 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

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