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So sick of fighting about $

anyone else??? DH used to have a buying problem. He would buy, sell, trade trucks and 4wheelers constantly. He has really changed and has kept the same truck for a year now. The problem is he talks about stuff constantly. We both agreed to a budget and to paying off the debt. He talks constantly about stuff that contradicts that. Last night he was talking about increasing his internet package on his phone to $30. Today he calls me to tell me about an air compressor for $200 on craigslist. I always remind him of the plan and he talks all about this stuff. He is serious about it until i say..well there goes the tire money..then he says, "I'm just kidding you should know that, I never really buy the stuff." Just a vent but I'm soooo frustrated. Why cant he spend some time working on the plan with me?! I know he wants the debt paid off too and he really isnt spending money but I'm sick of talking about stuff that he doesnt really plan to do. We owe $950 on my ring and he hasnt made any payments (to his dad). We can afford to make payments but its not a priority to him..he is more interested in talking about crap on craigslist. Does anyone else have this problem????

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Jan. 3, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Is he just talking or is he actually doing? My DH is always talking about stuff he wants to do or buy or projects that he wants to do. He knows we are on a strict budget, but I think he still enjoys just fantasizing about it or talking about it. I would say if he's not buying things and is just talking about it, then at least you're making progress. You could say things like, "if you want things you need to budget for it" or respond by saying "are you just talking about it or do you actually plan to buy this?" You may need to sit down and actually have a disucssion about his comments and ask him how HE wants you to respond.
    SherriPie

    Answer by SherriPie at 3:04 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • add craigslist to the unsafe / blocked list in your browser that at least will keep him ocupied for a while
    gou18

    Answer by gou18 at 3:02 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Sherri he is just talking at this point..but he also isnt making any extra payments. He wants to "save" the debt snowball money and make a lump sum. I am private on here..but I'm in a dave ramsey group I've seen you in. I have set the budget and we are just starting to live together and go by the budget. He doesnt say he is thinking about it he says this,"I am going to drop my phone insurance and up my internet to $30. My phone wont break in a year and I upgrade every year" I say..how much is insurance ($6) but he will be adding $15 to the bill. I said I dont really want to have $30 internet on your phone and $30 internet for the house. He goes on and on trying to rationalize it. When I say we would have to drop the internet on the house then he says he is jsut kidding..he's not really doing it, he was just thinking about it. I know its been a big change for him. I agree I will ask him how he would like for me to respond.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:17 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I think putting it back to him and making it his respnsiblity might help. Always saying "well, if you do that, then something in the budget has to change." It's so frustrating. I feel like I am always the "fun killer" b/c I'm always telling DH, "we don't have that in the budget right now."
    SherriPie

    Answer by SherriPie at 3:35 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Also just be persistant, strong, kind, and just keep going on your journey. Keep pushing forward. My DH did that a lot in the beginning, but over time it settled down. Most of the times, I didn't even tell him that he "couldn't" have it, because it would just make things a lot tougher. Sometimes they just like to dream about this stuff without being immediatly shot down. And I totally understand the "oh, I was just kidding" crap. DH pulls that. But look at it this way, you won the fight, lol.
    The fact that he isn't out spending does say a lot.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 3:46 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Thats how i feel. I think we are really blessed and I think we just need to stay on track and it will get paid off. He isnt good with numbers and Im a spreadsheet person. I like living by a plan..he likes browsing online. I'm glad his obsession is with trucks and not women but damn its annoying!! :) One day we decide we are keeping my car and dumping debt..the next day he tells me about an SUV for sale, how many miles it has and that he is going to look at it!? Makes no sense to me...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:48 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I am on another DR forum, and a question came up about how to get through FPU without fighting. I loved this persons response:

    FPU didn't cause us any arguments once we were on the same page.

    For example, when starting out I didn't want to use cash. DH said OK to that BUT he still wanted to be able to log everything to see that we were still on budget. Each month he'd go through the bank statement and ask either for receipts or for me to tell him which items went with which budget categories. "This check for $6.85 from Target...is that clothing or household or personal money....??" "Which of these line items is for groceries?" Well, I got tired of that in about 3 months and decided to try using cash. IF DH had wanted to argue from the start it might not have turned out that way...but he let me work it out. There were things he didn't want to do as well...and I gave him some space and time. We always ended up agree
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 3:51 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I know this isn't exactly your issue, but I think it is a great example of working together(not only did the DH agree to not using cash, he put in the extra work to try and log it), and allowing the other person to learn in thier own way.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 3:52 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Thanks Candi that helps alot. i think we really want the same thing but we are just very different. I was a single mom and paid off all my debt with gazelle intensity. He has debt and has come to realize how restrictive it is. He dumped about $10,000 before we got married. We have only been living together 3 months and everything is great except how we deal with money. he is used to having his whole income and living really cheap. I am used to living off the income. It will be an adjustment for sure!! He only likes very big purchases. He sees me buy a new shirt or makeup here and there but he isnt getting what he wants..but his stuff always costs hundreds of dollars. I want to work the kinks out of our budget and we have really just gotten started. I have gazelle intensity about everything and he operates on a much different speed.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:59 PM on Jan. 3, 2011