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2 Bumps

Should he stay or should he go?

I'm asking this for my brother.

He lives in Wisconsin, is separated from his wife and daughter (she left him and is probably gonna divorce him) - he got laid off his job just before Christmas and can't find another job (the town they live in is very small). Only her family lives there, he has no family there at all.

He has a choice ..... go back to Mississippi where his family is and he can get some help from family until he finds a job ( and leave his daughter behind with his STBX) Or stay there where he is and possibly end up homeless without a job.

If it were your brother in this position what would you advise him to do??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Jan. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I would advise him to move back near family until he can get back on his feet. Maybe he can save and then while in Mississippi he can look for a job up there after he has money saved and move back once he finds a job

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:10 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Go where the jobs are. Hate to say.

    Answer by louise2 at 5:11 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Well... if he's not looking for a job for the same amount of time he expects to be working the job, I'd say he doesn't know squat about the real job market --because the vast majority of employers stopped advertising positions a long, long time ago. Who wants 1500 unqualified applications to throw out? Quality employers know that quality employees come knocking on the door, prepared to discuss the history and position of the business they're standing in... ignorance of the company, a generic resume, or anything that looks scattershot across industries or companies they can safely ignore because in a few days a much more prepared applicant is probably going to show up.

    If he's really, seriously been looking for a job for the past 2 weeks and hasn't ended up with a single research interview, then perhaps moving does make sense.

    I would strongly advise my brother to do what he thinks is right and necessary. It's not my life.

    Answer by LindaClement at 5:13 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Go to where he can have a roof over his head and possibly find a job.

    Answer by musicmom08 at 5:15 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • The only thing is that his daughter is in Wisconsin. I would never move far away from my children, no matter what kind of crap job I had to take or crap apartment I had to live in.
    Unless he can get custody of his daughter after moving away, which I doubt since courts favor moms, I would tell him to find a way to stay near his daughter. Unless that's not important to him.

    Answer by MariAnKenobi at 5:23 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I don't think she left because he got laid off, she fell out of love with him and no longer wants him now she has an opportunity to get him out of her life and she's taking. right now she's not thinking about their daughter she's thinking about herself, now your brother needs your support more than ever you tell him to come home as much i love my brothers there's no way i would let any woman mistreat them.He can always try to get on his feet for the sake of his daughter staying there will not be in his interest.

    Answer by soraya14 at 5:27 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • lost job before christmas
    that was like a week ago
    maybe he can try a little longer to find work where he is

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:33 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Couple more details..... He has recently been diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and was out of work for about 3 weeks (while he was in the VA hospital) prior to getting to go back to work (when he worked for a week and a half before the layoff came).

    She left him when he went into the hospital, and left all the bills unpaid. By the time he got back home he needed to pay months two months on rent and utilities. So he started out in a deficit the moment he got out of the hospital. He doesn't have a lot of time to "just keep looking".

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:42 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I guess what I'm trying to get across is that in all of December he only had a week and a half worth of income and needed to pay two months rent with that.

    What makes it worse is that he loves his wife with all his heart, he screwed up and I don't blame her for leaving - but I don't get how she walked out AND took the money for November's rent with her. She has family there, she is working, she could have left the rent money to keep this from crunching him the way it is. He wasn't abusive or mean to her and their daughter (by her own admission) - he just was getting too emotionally easily upset and she couldn't take it anymore. He should have gone to the doctor sooner, but it is what it is. Now he's gotta figure out what to do.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:50 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I'd tell him to go home. I'd write a letter to my daughter (or talk to her if stbx will allow it) telling her that I'm not leaving her, I'm just going to go get a job and get money to take care of her. That's what my dad did when he left my mom and it made a big difference to me. It also helped when my mom tried to say he left us. Tell him to make a copy of it for court if needed

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:52 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

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