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Is my daughter gothic or tomboy?

My daughter is starting to act a little more boyish, wear black, rip holes in her jeans, and is claiming to be tomboy. But, she is in love with "Skelanimals", little skeliton animals, and she also has been asking me for blue and green hair extentions. To be truthful, I'm not sure I want my daughter being goth or tomboy. (I would rather her be tomboy, though.) She claims I am being judgemental, and I'm afraid I am...

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Asked by wolfmom22 at 5:12 PM on Jan. 3, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • One of my daughters went through both stages, she outgrew both of them.

    Answer by older at 5:15 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • i'd say let her maybe some of her friends are dressing that way... and it's really just a faze... she is just trying to find her self... and style.

    Answer by Lynnsae at 5:15 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Its a phase. I went through it for a very short period of time and when I saw the negative attention I was getting I stopped. I was embarassed. And she prob might be too eventually. Just moniter what she does and make sure that its going no further than clothes and toys. And make up too. I would let her be and it will most likely pass. Kids do things that make parents upset but you just gotta hold your breath and get through it. GL

    Answer by Steph319 at 5:15 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • That doesn't seem odd to me. Sounds a lot like my 9 year olds. Pick your battles but always uphold your values. Good luck.

    Answer by hotrodlassie at 5:16 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • My daughter wants to be a mortician or an artist. I am just happy she has goals. But she could change her mind though. But my daughter is going throught the emo phase.

    Answer by idaspida at 5:17 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Yep mom, ya have to learn to pick your battles here. She is exploring her options right now. It's perfectly normal. I always said I wouldnt care what color hair they wanted or what style they wore it, just as long as the brain is still functioning drug free & getting good grades! Hang in there- the teen years are like a roller coaster- but not as fun! :)

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 5:17 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • it seems as though she's going through a phase - trying to determine where she fits in. Encourage her to be herself - not who others think she should be. However, do not allow her to push beyond the limits you set for her. Take her shopping so she could try a few different looks and see which suits her best (within limits). You might also remind her that the "goth" look is on its way out and the "preppie" look is coming back in.

    Answer by neebug3766 at 5:18 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • It's all about finding out who she is. I know it's rough. My DD is into darker colors but is more of a tomboy with nail polish and a cute outfit. I know that I can't judge anyone - I went to high school in the 1980's. She is going through what I hope is a phase.

    But I get it, you just want them to be the little girls they were. I would let mine get the colored extensions if she were willing to put some of her cash into them (wouldn't necessarily have her actually pay for them, but at my house it is a way for me to see how serious she is about something.)

    Answer by balagan_imma at 5:18 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Its a phase mama. My oldest dd is 22 and went through some of that. She is a mom with her own kids now and girlier then most women I know. Let her experiment but put the brakes on anything you feel is inappropriate or goes overboard. As moms it is our jobs to be judgmental. We have to judge what our kids are doing and say yay or nay.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:19 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • It's a phase. Pick your battles on this one. As long as she's not asking for anything permanent (like a piercing), it all comes out in the wash. Plus, you and see will laugh and roll your eyes years down the road when you see her pics at this age.

    If it really bothers you, place rules on where and how she can color her hair (like temporary on weekends and school breaks only). Or she can paint her nails *IF* she does this or that requirement first.

    Personally, I went through the Lucy bangs, oversized t-shirts, multiple necklaces, mismatched socks and reeboks phase back in the late 80's/early 90's. I grew out of it pretty quick - but the things I wanted MOST were the things my mom wanted me to have least. (hint: *wink nudge*)

    Answer by geminilove at 6:10 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

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