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Do you think its ok?

My husband and I have been going through a really tough year... and I was a total B during my pregnancy and I have apologized over and over and over and I over look alot of thinks and I try to ignore the arguments when it kills me.. Like when I say something taht upsets him.. he always goes straight to how miserable he is and how much I make his life suck.. it breaks my heart. but the thing is I have asked him NOT to say these things to me because it hurts me very badly.. and its not like I say something hurtful to him and he jsut comes back at me with that.. if I say anything that he doesnt like.. such as why is it a big deal for you to go to walmart with me.. i dont get it.. he comes at me with this.. today it happened again. and I had already had plans to go out with my friends for a few hours while he was at work and my mom was going to watch the kids for me.. the first night I got out with friends in quite some time. we went bowling (which he works at the bowling alley as a bartender) i went in there once or twice.. and when I left i told him bye. But before i left to take the kids to my moms i packed an overnight bag and I plan to stay here tonight and do not plan to see him tomorrow.. and possible stay tomorrow night.. i am not sure. i HATE not being with him.. but i think it will do us some good. i do not want this to have a negative backlash and do us more damage than good. but i want him to realize that he cant continue to say things that hurt me and me sit there and take it.. now he is not all at fault.. i was a B during my pregnancy but I am trying to make up for it but it soo hard when he is always so hateful and hurtful

 
Ross2010

Asked by Ross2010 at 10:16 PM on Jan. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,420 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Counseling is always a great place to start when you've had problems relating to one another. A mediator can help you get back on the right track as far as learning new ways to communicate since you are having problems in that area. Sometimes we just don't know where to begin or if one of you is trying really hard and the other isn't, then it makes the one trying, want to give up. It's always worth it to try to work things out, sometimes we all just need a little help. Best wishes!
    etexmom

    Answer by etexmom at 11:26 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • During my last pregnancy, I was a "B" to my husband too. He couldn't do anything right in my eyes. But Oh Well!!...... Your husband doesn't have to go through any of the hurdles being pregnant puts on our bodies. Heartburn, nauseousness, swelling, backaches, Giving Birth!! So you are allowed to be Bitchy, you are giving birth to his child! And by no means do you need to keep feeling bad about it. Tell him to put his Big Boy Pants on and quit acting like a baby! You deserve better than someone telling you are are making him miserable!! GOOD LUCK!!

    eluc

    Answer by eluc at 10:34 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Some separation may be good, but it sounds like there is some deep resentment from him because of how you treated him while you were pregnant. It's going to take him awhile to get over, you are going to have to understand that he needs to get his feelings out regardless of whether they hurt you. (Try to look at this from his perspective). I'm sorry ya'll are going through this, hopefully you will be able to work through it.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:20 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • If you cant ask your husband for help then there is something wrong. your husband is your partner not an enemy. if you have to watch everything you say it sounds very aggressive. No one can tell you how to handle this situation but you need to make a decision for what is best for your family. If he cant forgive you for being a difficult prego... then you don't need to look at things from his perspective if he cant imagine how hard being pregnant was for you.
    SidneyJae

    Answer by SidneyJae at 10:33 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Hugs! A couple of things come to mind. 1st you have to allow him to have his reaction to the B treatment he recieved from you. I am sure it will take some time before he will see that you can change. "I can only escape a bad past by adding something better to my future". Past tripping will only hurt both of you. Take each day and find the love that you used to have for each other. Show him what he has to be grateful for. I know I was not always "the person" I would want to come home to. I have to be aware of my thoughts, words and actions for those who are around me, no matter what I am feeling at the moment. Let him take some time to work out his pain that you caused him. The heart and sword of a woman is not always the easiest thing to handle. :-)
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 10:37 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Definitely take a break for awhile.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 11:04 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I wouldn't stay that long away from him, he might get interested in something else instead. GL

    sexyfancyface

    Answer by sexyfancyface at 12:10 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Why don't you plan a romantic night together and see if someone can watch the baby. Tell him you will make it up to him.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:43 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

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