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2 Bumps

How to tell my parents that we are not going to church anymore...

Since summer my parents have turned into excessive church goers ... My dad is worst because that is all he does, all he talks about, everything......There are just so many things that they have done and said to make me even feel more strongly about not going anymore... but mainly it is just that I do not get anything out of it other than a headache....

Dont get me wrong i DO believe in God, I do believe in heaven, but I dont think that I am going to hell just because I do not go to church every Sunday.....

By the time church is over I do not remember anything they have said... I do have anger and embarrassment over the way my kids act there ( and my mom telling me " its ok if the kids run down the aisle, its ok if they go sit with other people, its ok if they are loud" and then my dad talking through his teeth telling me to take the to the playroom) ..which is pretty much all I do anyways, we stay in the little playroom .....

I just dont want to go... it is that simple i guess... I dont mean this forever but for last sunday and next sunday that is the plan ...

but now I have to deal with my parents phone calls telling me I NEED to go to church otherwise me and my kids will go to hell , or my dad whispering to my daughter about how much fun she will have next Sunday ( she is at the point where she tells him she does NOT have fun there) ...it is driving me crazy and I have told them over and over that we are not going back right now.... but they just wont give it up...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:00 PM on Jan. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Do you live with them? If you do, its probably going to cause some tension if you stop but if you dont feel you should be there, you probably shouldnt be. If you dont live with them, its your life. Just dont go, you dont have to justify yourself.
    Aqua_Jen

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 11:03 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Going to church is really something you have to do on your own. As a child you go because mom and dad say so. As an adult you have the choice. I stopped for many years, my parents were not happy about it but they did not stop loving me because of it. Once I chose to go back to church it was because I wanted to not because someone was telling me to. It gives you a new perspective.
    Noosa

    Answer by Noosa at 11:06 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • I mean really i would just go to make your parents happy. I do not think its right what so ever that they tell you your going to hell if you dont..thats a load of bs and uncool and inappropriate to even say. Now if you didn't believe in god and decided to go with another religion i would definatly say you do what you want and follow what you want to follow.... but maybe even just go one sunday outta the month to make them happy. Life is short...ppl are riped away from you in a heart beat, i know this for a fact... before you know your parents will be gone and you might regret not going to church with them
    mrsrowland86

    Answer by mrsrowland86 at 11:07 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • No we do not live with them... but I am still close with them and see them alot, my mom is my main babysitter and my kids favorite..... everything else about her is fine it is just how she acts at church time - but my dad has completely changed I do not see him as much as I do my mom....

    I told them that we were not going back for now and 15 minutes later my dad was here talking to my 4 year old daughter about why she NEEDS to go...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:07 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • just tell them the more you push the more you will not want to go back so stop it!!

    And if you do go back kids should not be running around, they have to learn to respect the church.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 11:08 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Is it possible for them to take your kids and leave you out of it?

    Do they seriously think that the only thing between going to hell and not is sitting in a specific building weekly?

    A lot of people, as they age and even as they encounter more than they can handle, will turn to the remembered sanctuary of the church into a desperate lifeline in an uncertain world. It may help you deal with your parents to understand that their deep need is based in insecurity rather than the harsh judgement it probably feels like.

    They're afraid... who else would make a huge deal about innocent children going to hell? It's an awful way to spend time, and I'm not surprised they're seeking an easy (or any) answer for it.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:09 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Basically, you just need to come out with it. Blurt it on out there. Just say you've decided as a family that church isn't what you want.
    They can think what they will about your afterlives, that is their right to free thinking.
    SpaceToast

    Answer by SpaceToast at 11:11 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • tell them you dont want to go until the children are older. i dont bring my son to church.
    pookipoo

    Answer by pookipoo at 11:14 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Is it possible to find a church you're comfortable/happy in? It sounds to me like (and maybe I'm misreading what you're saying) but it sounds to me like you're saying #1, you don't want to be pushed and #2, the church you're going to isn't meeting your needs. If you feel you need a break, that's between you and God, not you and your parents. Many churches have children's church - your daughter would probably love it and then you would be able to concentrate without worrying about other people judging you or whispering because she's not acting like you feel they expect.

    I used to feel kind of some stress when we went to the same church my parents attended. Not really because they were judging me but I THOUGHT They were... so it made the experience horribly stressful. Since we don't go to the same church it's so much more wonderful.

    Either way, I hope you find a workable solution that makes YOU happy and comfortable
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 11:18 PM on Jan. 3, 2011

  • Just be honest and hopefully they respect what you have to say.....GL
    Truelove77

    Answer by Truelove77 at 9:34 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

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