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What do you do when everyone gives up on you?

After I had my youngest dd (now 4), my brain basically went completely haywire. I had post-partum psychosis and depresstion, and it triggered major bipolar episodes in me. I behaved atrociously and I am so ashamed of myself. I don't even remember most of it but I take full responsibility. It broke up my marriage, my dd now lives with her dad, and my son (17) will have NOTHING to do with me anymore. My sister (who used to be my best friend, btw) and her family ignore me now, too. I used to be EXTREMELY CLOSE with my son but he refuses to accept my apologies and to even consider forgiving me. I have tried to talk to him via facebook but his replies are purely hateful and it kills me. I understand I hurt him. I understand anyone would need some time, but he says he doesn't want to rebuild our relationship and that I am "less than nothing" to him and I should "go fuck myself". He refuses to believe that I truly had a sickness and I don't understand why. I sought help and was put on effective meds and so long as I keep taking them (which I will, for the rest of my life) I am normal and mentally healthy again. All I can do is get the help I need (I have) and sincerely apologize for the way I was thinking and acting. But everyone has written me off and I feel like there's virtually nothing left for me here. My daughter loves me but my ex won't let me see her very often. He got full custody. If I'm not even going to be allowed to be a significant part of her life, what is there for me here but all these painful reminders everywhere of everything I have lost? Where do I go from here? What do I do? I feel like running away and starting a new life, because it's too painful to try to do so here.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:41 AM on Jan. 4, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • what ever you do don't give up on yourself... as for your sister i'm a little disapointed in her... blood till the end.. i myself have bipolar disorder and it would be best if your family reached it.. my husband did and let a lone he also knew i was bipolar before we got married too and had kids... it just sad that ppl are only human and not perfect... you are getting help now it's not as if your harming anyone... your son needs to open his eyes... your sister needs to start being a sister... i haven't been through what you are going through my family has always been there for me and have tried so hard to understand too... but when i did feel like the world was closing it's doors on me i just said the hell with it... i got myself and that's all i need for right now to get me through to the next day.
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 12:49 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Yeah, my sister -- I didn't even DO anything to her or her family :(
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:53 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Thank you for replying.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:53 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Oh, and also -- my sis is a born-again Christian and very religious, and I'm just thinking "Nice Christian forgiveness, there."
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:55 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • See if you can get custody, even if it's partial or at least visitations. Forgive yourself if you haven't already and move forward. Focus not on the past but on the presemt and future. Above all remember that no matter what you have done God loves you no matter what. He made you and has a purpose for you. "And friends just can't be found, like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down"
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 12:59 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • I have no words of wisdom. My daughter is bipolar and i know that she could never do anything to make me turn my back on her ever. I am sorry that you are going through this but don't give up! My grandmother was also bipolar and it was opposite - she wigged out on us and refused to speak to us for some unknown reason till she died. We tried to understand her but she wouldnt allow anyone close enough. I just wish you the best of luck with your family!
    harris4

    Answer by harris4 at 1:00 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • u never give up!!!!!!! NEVER " what does kill you makes you stronger" never no matter what!!!!
    deyrita09

    Answer by deyrita09 at 2:08 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • But where the hell do I go from here??
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:08 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • You need to focus on making things better for yourself. Instead of looking at what you've lost, focus on what you have. You have your mental health back, which is a huge start. When someone hurts you deeply (like you have done with your family), it takes awhile for them to trust that you aren't going to do it again. I'm sorry that you are going through this, but understand that they have to heal as well. Give them time to see that things are different now. Give them space. Things will change with time.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:17 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • You go where ever you are happy, you wait for your son to get a little more mature and hope that he see's that the world isn't black and white. I hate that people don't see mental illness for what it is and always feel that the person in that situation should know better. It just does;t work that way. Good luck on your future!
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 11:38 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

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