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My son hates me..what should I do?

I am a stay at home mom with a 3 yr old and a one year old. My husband works long hours and I am the main caretaker of the boys. I do find time to do fun things with them but I also have to discipline them too. Dad comes home late at night and spends 2 hours with them.. most of it they do play with each other. So my son thinks dad is fun and mom is mean. he tells his dad he loves him but he doesnt like mommy. it breaks my heart. i dont have any help raising these kids. some days i even have to skip meals and baths to get things done and all I expect in return is their love. any advice on how i should react will be appreciated..thank you

Answer Question
 
heartbrokemo947

Asked by heartbrokemo947 at 1:18 AM on Jan. 4, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Dont be offended kids say anything they love you i wouldnt worry too much about it just laugh it off
    Marie_07

    Answer by Marie_07 at 1:21 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Your three year old doesn't hate you. He's asserting himself. Make sure you make time to play with them, too, and take time out for yourself each day.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 1:21 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Maybe you are going overboard on the discipline. He's still in the teaching stage so I'd work on the teaching and less on the punishment. A gentle reminder of how to act can go a long way in teaching. Remember that play time is just as important as everything else. It's possible you just need to lighten up a bit. Many of us didn't have help. It will be fine.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:25 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Hugs (: He doesnt hate you, trust he loves his mommy he just doesnt like the discipline...Maybe you should talk to you hubby have him do some of the discipline, when your son does something explain to him that he will have to tell his dad what he did when he gets home and let hubby hand out the discipline for that...Not sure what time dad gets home but maybe dad can be responsible for bath time..Give dad some of the small things to do...My DH helps out in small ways...I will cook dinner, he will place the dishes in dishwasher..I get kids in bath (2 boys) he will help the other pick out outfit for next day while Im helping the other with bath...He sorts the laundry so I can just wash...Small things help.....
    sam223

    Answer by sam223 at 1:37 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • He does not hate you its just daddy gets to play good cop cause he plays with them and doesnt disicpline them baby he loves you just keep being a great mom and dont worry when he gets older he will understand better :)
    premiemom18

    Answer by premiemom18 at 1:44 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • like what the other moms said... your son does love you... he just hears you say no more then dad so you are the bad guy.... don't take offense to it... your there parent not there friend and you are doing the best job you know how to do... so hats off to you... you'll just fine.. but you should talk to your husband about it and if your son says if again your husband should tell your son something instead of you having to feel like the bad guy in this.
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 1:54 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Your son doesn't understand the words, just the intensity of the words. He means, if he had the vocabulary to explain that he's frustrated, or you're asking too much of him, or interrupting what he thinks is more important than what you think is more important.

    The stronger you react to the individual words, the more you escape your responsibility to understand his message.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:09 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Thank you for all the nice words... It made me feel better. I would try to cut down the disciplinary actions but I am not sure if I can make a lot of changes in it since most of the times he listens to me and behaves and so I dont have to descipline him a lot. He even asks my younger one to listen to me. He is such a sweet boy. Thats why it hurts to hear him say these things.. He is not saying when he is mad or anything.. I appreciate all the kind words and will try to find more time to spend with him..
    Thanks a lot..
    heartbrokemo947

    Comment by heartbrokemo947 (original poster) at 11:00 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • He doesn't hate you. He just says stuff like that to get a reaction or to express his displeasure. It's not a contest anyway. And I bet when he's sick or hurt he automatically goes to you and not your husband (my kids do no matter how much they tell me they hate me).
    You're going to have to learn to ignore it or deal with it because it only gets worse as they get older. My 10yo tells me constantly that I'm a horrible mother, that I don't love her and she hates me. Why? Because I make her take showers, eat her vegetables, not spend 15 hours a day playing video games, make her go to school, do her homework correctly, read every night, etc. All things that are non-negotiable. To her it means I hate her because I make her follow the rules and do her chores. See the flaw in the kid logic? I'm not doing anything wrong and I really don't care if she says she hates me because it's not my job to be her BFF.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 11:19 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • He most certainly doesn't hate you. Try not to let a 3 year old's words hurt you too much. My son (4 1/2) actually tells me he hates me alot of times when I discipline him. It hurts, yes, but we have to remember they are only 3 or 4 years old, not 25. :D
    luvr4ula

    Answer by luvr4ula at 2:07 PM on Jan. 4, 2011

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