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Read my daughters journal!!!!!!!!!

I need help in approaching my daughter about her journal. she wrote she is not a virgin any more SHE IS ONLY 15. PLEASE HELP.  Also, i am divorce should i tell her dad???

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Asked by chmamaof4 at 1:38 AM on Jan. 4, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • A. stop reading your dd's journal.
    B. Don't tell her you read it
    C. Talk to her about the birds and the bees and try to get her to talk to you. It's possible that when approached she might ask you for birth control (which is better than her lying and saying she isn't sexually active and going unprotected)

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 1:41 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Noooooooo, dont do that... She has to have somewhere she feels comfortable putting her thoughts...Just have conversations with her...Bring up things that my have been in the news, in magazine articles ask her what her feelings are on the subject, than explain to her your view..

    Answer by sam223 at 1:46 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Ditto what Rhianna said. There is NO way she will EVER trust you again with important things if you tell her you read it, and you need to never read it again. That is her private place to express her inner most thoughts and feelings. Even though she's your daughter, under your roof, etc., she needs at least one thing all to herself. Don't take that from her, it will wreck your relationship (believe me, I know). Approach her and tell her that you think it's time you have the "safe sex" talk (word that however you like), and tell her that she's basically all grown up now and her hormones are racing, etc. and talk to her about being SAFE if she is having sex or decides to have sex. Helping her get birth control and condoms doesn't give her a license to have sex, but it does help her be safer.

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 1:47 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • you are going to lose your daughters trust... a journal is her way of getting things out and keeping them to herself... you just need to think of a good way of bringing it up like watch a movie that involves it like Juno or knocked up... so she doesn't think your getting into her buisness... or even bring up things you may of seen on the news.

    Answer by Lynnsae at 1:49 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • WOAH! Have you finished dropping your load yet? Seriously, I would be finding out who the heck was having sex with my dd first and foremost. Because even if you give ger birth control(which is pretty much telling her you approve) it won't help her one bit when it comes to STDS. They are more widespread than you might think. Not to mention what it is doing to her reputation and grades,sports,etc. Birth control isn't 100% and even when used correctly can result in pregnancy. Condoms are about 70% effective when used correctly.

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 1:52 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Why, oh why, did you lower yourself to that level?

    A couple of things to keep in mind:
    ~ not everything in print is true --kids have a lot of reasons for faking their journals, including being pretty sure they are being snooped on, so it would be better if you didn't rise to the bait

    ~ it's not your body, so it's not your choice

    ~ if your 15yo has managed to make it through puberty without finding out what changed, you have a lot of work to do that would have been easier to do when she was 10 (or 5)

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:00 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Sometimes I think I am so weird. I used to keep a journal and I wanted people to read it including my mom. But she might get upset if you start the conversation off with, "I read your journal". So, I agree that that's not a good idea. First, you should talk to her about having sex from the point of view that you know people start becoming sexually active or start experimenting around her age. Then, tell her that you think it's time to bring her to a gyno for the first time, that way she will get a wake up call and you can find out if everything's ok. And also if you want to put her on birth control or have them give her condoms and have the doctor talk to her further, they can do that there.

    Answer by BUTTERCUP777 at 2:08 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • If it were me, I would tell her dad. He has a right to know, as do you. You are still responsible for your daughter because she is still a child. My children knew that their right to privacy ended at the front door to our home. I never snooped but they gave me no reason to snoop. I also suggest you buy a copy of EVERY YOUNG WOMAN'S BATTLE by Shannon Ethridge & Stephen Arterburn and read it together with your daughter. It will help her understand the dangers of sexual promiscuity from an emotional, psychological and physical standpoint. I would also make sure that her opportunities for sexual activity were extremely limited. She has written down for you that she cannot be trusted to resist that kind of temptation and so you, as her mother, must help her in that area. My mom always told us that she would trust us until we proved to her that we could not be trusted. I think that's a good policy.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:19 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Wow, it's going to be really hard for her to trust you again after that one. I have to tell you that when I though my mom was reading my journal I started filling it with junk entries just to test her. It worked, and it took years for me to get back to a place where I felt comfortable talking with her again.

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:46 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Why were you reading her journal is probably a better question? However, since you did -- now you have to figure out a way to discuss it. hmmm. I would probably take her for a gyn visit as she is a teenager and ask her if you can supervise and have the Dr. discuss STDs and pregnancy. Then you can discuss various topics on the way home and open up the conversation opportunity for her to confide in you. Divorced familes with girls are statistically higher in teenage pregnancies.. so, does your ex spend time with your daughter? Do you think she is looking to find acceptance from boys to fulfill a need? Some things to think on.

    Answer by Camilletnt at 10:12 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

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