I'm asking this for a friend of mine. By the way, it's a bit long, so I won't be too offended if you click on Next Question, Please.
Janet* started chatting with a guy online several months ago. They both have a lot of interests in common. She's been divorced twice and he and his wife have been separated for awhile, remaining legally married until their kids are done with high school. Both Janet and this guy, Brad* are in their early/mid 50's. They chat online every single day and he calls her on his lunch every single day. He lives in Florida and she lives in Louisiana.
They talk about it and they think it would be a neat idea for him to drive from Florida to Louisiana for the holidays/winter break (ten days). It's a 12 hour drive from point A to point B. He visits for the whole ten days and things seem to go really well.
As it turns out, he's more needy than she likes. He's been in a terrible, loveless marriage for many years at this point and has latched on to the first person to show him love and affection, and not care about certain things that he likes to do (he likes to wear women's clothing). He was also kind enough to help her out with a few things around her house (groceries, etc.) since she's been low on money this holiday season.
When it came time to be intimate, she felt nothing. She realized that she loves him as a friend, but not a lover. She is absent-mindedly comparing him to her previous lover (they split two years ago) who was much more open to things done in the bedroom. She also feels zero spark between them. Putting it to you this way.. self-pleasuring gets the job done better than this guy.
She's vented to me and one other about this and out of the three of us, we can't figure out a nice way to let him down. We're thinking that he doesn't understand what a "rebound" is and that their relationship is more like a rebound from his failing marriage. There is no way to salvage his marriage; they've done everything to help it and nothing has worked. They live in separate parts of their home.
Brad has already started looking for jobs in areas with a decent (ha) economy and looking at homes where he and Janet could live together. After the ten days they spent together, Janet wants nothing to do with it. She wants companionship as well as a sexual relationship. Brad is not going to be that person. She likes him enough. He's a nice guy and a wonderful man. Her kids and grandkids showed up for a visit and they really liked him. Brad was GREAT with the kids.
But, it all boils down to the fact that she didn't feel anything for him besides friendship.
So, how do you break it to an already broken and fragile man, that you don't want to pursue a relationship?
Thank you so much for you answers. Like I said, three grown adults can't think of a good way to do it.
Answer by badgirl44654 at 2:25 AM on Jan. 4, 2011
Answer by Fistandantalus at 7:20 AM on Jan. 4, 2011
Answer by vicesix at 7:40 AM on Jan. 4, 2011
Answer by MaryMW at 11:55 AM on Jan. 4, 2011
Answer by gdiamante at 2:06 PM on Jan. 4, 2011
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