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How would you go about telling your 41 year old brother he needs to get a job and stop living off mom?

She needs to retire but she can't afford to support him and herself but he dosen't seem to notice or care how tired she is and of course she will not say anything but I do not want to cause a big fight. For her sake.

 
peace013

Asked by peace013 at 10:31 AM on Jan. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (13,054 Credits)
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Answers (17)
  • Your mom needs to be the one to be honest with him about her situation and tell him she just can't swing it anymore the way things are going, and she needs to stick with her decision and be firm. She can only be taken advantage of if she's allowing it. You can say something too, but you're probably right, it'll start a big fight. Just make sure when your mom says something that you're there to be a shoulder for her to lean on, because it's not easy trying to change a situation that's been happening for so long. Good luck!
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 10:37 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • I'm blunt with my siblings - I would come out and say just that to him. GL!


    Sabrina

    csmsand

    Answer by csmsand at 10:33 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Just tell him, he is a grown man.

    It is obvious the damage is done and he is completely taking advantage of your mom....

    I know it is hard, because I am going through a situation similar, not exactly the same but my siblings tend to act like they are kids and they are older then me.

    Tell him too put on his man pants and take care of him self. God bless mom, but she will not live forever then who is going to take care of him, she should be enjoying life right now, her duties of taking care of him are done.... :( Good luck!!!!!
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:35 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Im with Sabrina. You just tell him. My dd is 22 and my 18 yr old son is doing the same thing. He doesnt want to go to college, or work. He was living with us and couldnt handle the house rules and moved in with her. I told him myself he is a sponge and needs to get with the program. She thought I was mean, but now has told him the same thing. Just be blunt. Tell him he is in his 40s for Gawds sake and needs to act like a man and stop living off his mommy.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:34 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • I agree with being blunt with him, but I'd recommend you also get your mom to at least agree with your intentions before you do. It won't do much good if she tells him he can still stay.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 10:38 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • I tell my mom flat out, stop giving my older sister money each month. She doesn't like it, but she is the on enabling her. I would talk to your mom, she is the one allowance this behavior.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 11:27 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Well, it seems to me that talking to him wouldn't do much good. He isn't the one who is really in need of a talking to.
    I'd make sure my mom understood that she is enabling him, and she needs to stop. That's more damaging to him than his mooching off of her, to be honest. How is he going to survive when she's no longer there to do it for him?
    She needs to stop taking care of him and tell him to get out and do for himself. Otherwise, all you'd really be doing is stirring trouble, and likely nothing will come of it. JMHO
    SpaceToast

    Answer by SpaceToast at 10:43 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Your mom needs to stand firm and be the one to tell him this, as it really is not your place to say anything it is hers. I think you should talk to her, and tell her your concerns about this. You could suggest she call a 'family meeting' to discuss finances, and you could be there for moral support (for mom) and back her up. I think if you talk to brother by yourself he is not going to listen and he may resent you 'poking your nose in their business' and get upset. This way at a family meeting everyone is entitled to speak and get things out in the open. I hope your mom will speak up, and she will do what is best for her.... and I also hope your brother realizes it is time to cut the apron strings and stand on his own 2 feet-- not depend on mommy for everything. Good luck!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:45 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • You can tell him all you want but it would mean more if she told him. We had a friend like that and the siblings told the her but she only laughed and last year when the mom admitted to her she was too tired to do it anymore she would have three months to find a new place and move on she did she is still mad but now the mom only supports herself and only has to work for herself. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:46 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • I'm not sure that there is an easy way to say it. You may also want to talk to your mother about being strong and not being an enabler (in the nicest way possible). This has happened in my family too, what happened was.... when my grandma passed away, her children that were living off of her were completely helpless and lost and could not support themselves. So it really is for the better of everyone that he gets a job.
    Namaste17

    Answer by Namaste17 at 10:47 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

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