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How do you get help with two fighting toddlers?

A few months ago, a roommate with two kids moved in with us. Her two children are a girl 6 and a boy 2. Her toddler and my toddler have been fighting alot. It started out with little squabbling, some hitting, some yelling and some biting which was expected because they were getting to know one another. Now it is going on three months and they are still at it worse then ever. They are biting each other really hard, throwing toys, pummeling each other and it seems like it barely ever ends. We have tried time outs, spankings, scolding, seperating and whatever we can think of to get them to stop but can't seem to manage. We know we need to find some way of generating good will between them and they get along some of the time but are much worse when the oldest is home because they compete for her attention. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this or have any experience with this sort of situation?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on Jan. 4, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (2)
  • Ahhhhh! Toddlers can be so hard . . .hang in there. The best thing you can do is remain calm, address, and try to prevent. When we see our toddler being aggressive, it breaks our hearts, and we tend to come on strong. The scolding and spanking will backfire, though, as the toddler associates aggressiveness as being okay because Mommy or Daddy is aggressive with them.
    Redirection works really well. Always stay in the same room as the kids, and when you see an escalation, either change the play task, or pick one of them up and redirect to something else. When hitting or biting occurs, pick the offender up, put them down in a different part of the room. Say, "No hit. gentle only." (Think the dog whisperer, calm assertiveness). Then ask them to show you gentle by giving you a gentle hug or kiss. Give the hurt one a big hug and kiss. take the offender by hand and guide him to say, "Sorry." They will eventually learn.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 5:49 PM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Try separating them. If you don't have a lot of space, this can still work with being creative with boundaries.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 12:47 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

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