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4 Bumps

Would you push for your BIL to move in if this were your situation?

My hubby and his 5 siblings lost their mother a bit over 10 years ago. They had already spent a good amount of time in foster care before she passed, but she did fight for sobriety and ultimately got them back. (There were three who went into foster care and she had 3 more, 1 before she got the 3 back, and 2 after)

Of the 5 children one actually graduated out of foster care. 2 got adopted, 1 went to their father, and the other two, my hubby and his oldest brother, lived with grandparents.

His bro is 19 and has not had a good start. I was pushing for his brother to live with us, because that is what I would do for my own sister, and I backed off because I didn't want his brother to feel pressured.

Well come to find out his brother is just afraid to move in with people because he feels like it can just get taken away like 'that'.

So I don't know. I think I will make the offer for his brother to move in with us when we move again, we are moving to the same city as the rest of their family, that way he can feel close to his family again.

Weird situation I know, but nothing is in a kids favor who grew out of the system and I am only trying to do for him what I would do for my own family. And to be honest it wouldn't be an option my sister would be with me, no ifs and whats or buts until she was able to be on her own 2 feet, not couch surfing.


Asked by DomoniqueWS at 11:08 PM on Jan. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,109 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Huge props to you for reaching out to your BIL! I could say something about the old saying of leading a horse to water, but not being able to make him drink, but I'm with you. I would be pushing, too. If for no other reason than to be able to teach him it is ok to trust someone. I guess you can't make him.... But I wish you could. :) You sound just like what he needs. Y'know, as long as your husband agrees and all that.

    Answer by blu_canary at 11:13 PM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • I think thats awesome, your husband is lucky to have a wife like you. As much as I agree with what you are trying to do, I also think you need to lay some ground rules about whats gonna fly and whats not before making this huge committment. I also like writing pros and cons list to weigh out options. just a thought

    Answer by My2boys0523 at 11:13 PM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • It is a wonderful thought, but be cautious. If you do this have an agreement, signed and witnessed about what is expected and what is unacceptable. Once he moves in you have to give him 30 written notice to legally evict him. It doesn't matter if he pays rent.. You can love someone to pieces and find out after they move in that you can't live together. Good Luck.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:14 PM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • If it were my brother, no question. I would definitely do all I could to give him a leg up. Fortunately, he has always taken care of himself. When he lost his job a while back, we offered our home but he said that he and his wife could manage and they have. OTOH, my BIL is a complete and total mess but we had him come and live with us off and on throughout the years. He prefers not to do so at this time, but I understand where you are coming from. You have a tender heart. Just hope that you don't get hurt in any way.

    Answer by ChezBelle at 11:14 PM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • Why don't you tell him that he can stay with you and while he is there he can get his GED. He really needs to get this. Let him know too that he can help around the house that way it won't seem like a free ride. I do commend you on your efforts. I hope your husband sees it this way too.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:05 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • I would push for him to move in with you if I were you.

    Answer by LiLJeni at 2:12 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • Oh I will have an agreement like no other, lol but seriously their grandpa is a Notary Public, real estate agent, real estate investor, and some type of broker, we have that covered. :)

    He is a hard working individual, but when you're a foster kid and the you turn 18, most foster parents just kick you out, no money, no help, no start, no nothing. So I really don't blame him. He takes care of himself pretty well, he is just unable to go to school, he has had to drop every semester so far because he has to work so much. I doubt I'll have any problems with him. He is a private person, and has been living with his friends parents for over a year, even though his friend has moved out. I know that has to suck.

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 11:21 PM on Jan. 4, 2011

  • He has his diploma, he is in college now

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 12:06 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • He does, DeMario has been a great brother he just doesn't want to push it too hard. He's afraid it'll push him away.

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 12:07 AM on Jan. 5, 2011