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Can one be legally separated (in anticipation of divorce) without physically being separated?

I want to get out. Badly. Neither of us can afford the mortgage solo and I can (and have been) living with him as just a roommate and father of my child. I am being emotionally abused and neglected, but that is difficult to prove and I cannot really afford a lawyer. I am pretty sure he'd flip out at either divorce or separation, but maybe the separation can lead to either real effort on our relationship or an acknowledgement that we are over.

I don't know where to go for help, but although I think he does an ok job at provider and father, I hate our relationship and him more with each passing day.


Asked by JZ10FPM at 12:21 AM on Jan. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,989 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Legal separation is exactly that-- legal separation, and not physical separation. Legal separation limits your liability. Generally, when one spouse acts, and a bad result (i.e. accident) happens, the other spouse may also be financially held responsible. Legal separation will terminate that responsibilitiy, and any actions taken by either partner will result in consequences only to that person.

    Many people are actually getting divorced but living in the same residence for a variety of reasons. Such arrangements usually require some type of contactual agreement or order/judgment from a juddge.

    I'm not sure how a legal separation or divorce will do you any good if you are under the same roof. Such resolutions work when the couple is amicable, and have moved on from the bitterness and anger so that they can live together. It doesn't sound as if that has happened for you yet.

    Good luck!

    Answer by Busimommi at 12:28 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • 4. bondage, sexual mistreatment, like rape or drug use on partner,
    5. immoral conduct as in using the marriage as a tool to control the woman, and blatantly setting her up to need him.
    6.. neglect or imprisonment, to use the woman or malign her by forcing her with removing money, shelter or food. i.e. treating her as non human or like a person with no rights, worse than a human with no rights. a concubine, slave or lower than ""HIS STANDARD"""


    Answer by coffeeyum at 1:20 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • You can, at least in CA. You might consider selling the house, however, and getting an apartment if he's emotionally abusive to you.

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:22 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • I think it depends on the state. My Aunt and her now Ex-husband still live in the same house. He lives in the basement, her on the top half.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:26 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • The marriage laws are made to keep couples together, so ......''before''--- you try to figure out separation it's more than worth the time trying to figure why you got married in the first place. Our world is filled with regretting spouses that want out. Since all of us are blaming the other for the way our lives were prior to the marriage or as many men look at the wife like, they are a whore just based upon the prior life prior to marrying the beast that calls you the" whore", ........."_____________'' insert 25 other names that are labeled on wife.! No wonder that woman wants to leave. That is called harassment and it's not legal also.

    a list of marriage abuses and not legal things to do
    1. adultery
    2. harassment ( like name calling, belittling, and setting the partner up for a fall)
    3. beating, cruelty as in starving, or not providing
    4. taking away rights, money, bond

    Answer by coffeeyum at 1:14 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • coffeeyum has some interesting information in her post but each state has different laws. Very few states have divorces anymore, they have dissolution of marriage. There is a difference. You can google the marital laws in your state including legal separation. Sometimes sleeping with the other person after a legal separation can nullify the separation agreement so if you live together you can jeopardize the agreement. Also, it cost the same as a dissolution of marriage in most cases so if money is an issue, that's something to consider. Go talk to Legal Aid or get a free consult from a family law attorney. Then you will know what's up. If the situation isn't contested (if there are no disagreements about getting the separation) then you can use one attorney. I did that to save money.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:28 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • Leave now ask questions later. Just get yourself out of the situation if it is that bad. Do you have any friends or relatives you can move with?He can still be a great father to your child, but he can also be a better husband.If you are unhappy go ahead and make your leap of faith.

    Answer by hollinshead at 9:51 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • Just because a man does these things to get mainly attention doesn't mean it is getting him a maturity. Mostly what it gets him is a fighting spouse that isn't interested in him or is $$, or his place, or anything attached to him or including him.
    IT is a bad motive for power.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • I'm not seeing how that would be beneficial if there is abuse involved.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:23 AM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • I meet early next week to talk to/get advice from a woman from the county. The more I think about it, the more it is looking like the big D is really my only choice ... scary and sad.

    Comment by JZ10FPM (original poster) at 12:07 AM on Jan. 8, 2011