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2 Bumps

Who is tired of there teen acting like they run the house? How can I get her tonight, not hurt her just let her know she don't run nothing here.....

I am so sick of it!!!

My daughter didn't come home from school until 7:30, (4 hours and 40 minutes later)

So normally, I fight, yell, sometimes spank her... I am so done, and then she throws a great big fit, trying to make me feel bad, honestly I don't feel bad anymore.... Done being a push over, but i need a new Idea of what I can do too show her, I am done... She had a fit not too long ago and broke her tv she will not have one from me, I won't buy her won, so now owell you have none....

 
KFree907

Asked by KFree907 at 2:19 PM on Jan. 5, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 20 (8,947 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • What we have here is a failure to communicate. You're both shouting (one way or another) but no one's listening...

    First off, I don't know what you think a 'pushover' looks like, but I'd say that shouting, fighting and spanking are not anything like one. In fact, pushovers don't fight... they don't shout and they certainly don't hit people.

    Your daughter does not feel loved, or welcomed, or settled or secure. That's her problem, but you could help.

    You do not feel powerful, centered, balanced or valuable. You own that problem and she can't help.

    From here ('cause you aren't anywhere else) how can you fix it? It's going to take a lot --you have not 'led the way' as an adult, as a skilled communicator nor as an example of respectful treatment of other humans. You could wait until the least mature person in the building grows up and learns better for whatever outside source she might find... but that hasn't worked so far.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:36 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • You are spanking your teen? Not an appropriate punishment. The next time she doesn't come home, call the cops and report her as a runaway. Take everything but her bed and clothes away and then she needs to earn them back.

    I don't have that problem because my teen has been taught respect and that I run the house, not him. It has been that way since he was a one yr old.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:23 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • I wouldn't come home either knowing you'd hit me. Treat her with respect and she'll probably show you some.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:24 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • I have 3 teens and it doesn't matter whether you use your hand or an object, spanking at that age is of no use whatsoever. You can't make excuses for that just be saying that's what people in "your part of town" do. You're the adult, act like it. Set your daughter down at a time when you're both calm and start a discussion with her. You don't say how old she is but if she's a teen, then she's closer to being an adult than not. It's time you start treating her like an almost-adult, not like a baby.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 2:43 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • It's probably a little late, but you need to start showing her some respect as well as expecting it from her. Spanking is certainly not appropriate at this age. It's called domestic violence. Try sitting down and quietly telling her what you expect from her and reasonable consequences.

    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 2:27 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • i feel u mama my dd is 13 and the princess in her book. attitude 24/7. hugs 2 u. my dd did that one time were she didnt come home she went to a friends w/ out asking. she was an hour late by then i called the school and everything. anyways after that i picked her up from school i was there 10 mins before she was due on the buss. AND i took a lesson from roseanne lol. i picked her up in my i only wear these pjs when i have none left and im not leaveing the house. my hair was a mess and everything. when she came out i yelled her name and said mommys here to take u home. she was horrified i sat her down and told her again this is the rule...i will respect that ur a teen but u respect im your mom. also warned her i can do worse then the pjs. she now comes stright home. lol. but she still is a walking attitude and assumes we will buy her everything ( i dont think so ) best of luck mama i hear they get worse. sigh..
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 2:52 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • Mom, obviously your spanking techniques are not working. Respect is earned, not forced.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:20 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • Do like Uncle Buck does. Meet her at school at the end of the day and drive her home. Drive her to school. Drive her home. She doesn't go anywhere else unless it's with you or DH (um, assuming you have one.)

    She's home, and since she can't be trusted to be responsible for her homework and grades herself, you make her do it at certain times and CHECK it. You monitor her grades and that she's turning it in through her teachers if need be.

    Make chores/rules/etc and she sticks to them.

    She's proven she't not mature enough to take care of things herself, so now she has no privileges. Simple.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • *****mind you she is failing in school-- I will not pay for summer school, so if she fails owell
    KFree907

    Comment by KFree907 (original poster) at 2:22 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • She was that late coming home from school and you didn't go looking for her? Perhaps you have not drawn the boundaries clearly enough that she knows what is expected from her and perhaps whatever boundaries you have set have not been enforced so that she has no respect for you. It's late to start teaching those things, but I would be found trying. For starters, she would be dropped off at the school door and picked up in the same spot at the end of the school day. She would not be given the option of coming home whenever she got ready. She would be assigned chores to be done on a regular basis, and she would be given no privileges for quite some time. For help in getting started, I suggest you purchase and read BOUNDARIES FOR CHILDREN by Drs. John Townsend and Henry Cloud. It would also be helpful if you have the backing of her father in establishing and carrying out the new rules.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:27 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

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