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Was I in the wrong?

OK my 14 yr old son was taking a shower and he got out Well it smelt good so I was like "Did you use daddy's soap?" Which was ok if he did. And he said no! He usesd my soap. Which I found odd bc it was dry and still had glitter on it. The point was that I wanted him to tell the truth. So I told him it was no big deal I just wanted the truth. ( He lies on EVERYTHING no exagertion) So I talked to him and told him that it is important for him to always tell the truth , even if it is over soap. Was I int eh wrong to make it a big thing, for him to tell the truth. Or should I just have left it alone?

Answer Question
 
B.R.E.A.K.K

Asked by B.R.E.A.K.K at 1:21 AM on Jul. 7, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (14)
  • He needs to understand there is no reason to lie at all :)
    mindi4191

    Answer by mindi4191 at 1:30 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • kinda a stupid thing for him to lie over, he might have just been embarrassed about using ur soap. i think that with the lying u need to pick ur battles. something small (like soap) i would drop, but he should still understand that ur there for him, and that lying is unacceptable.
    kissmiss213

    Answer by kissmiss213 at 2:48 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • I think it's good that you established that it's not right to lie, but it doesn't sound like you made a huge deal out of it. Lying is another developmental stage that we have to go through. For some it's a control thing, for some it's to see what we can get away with, for some it's a thought process that we have to be made aware of. Don't make it out to be the end of the world, but maybe talk to him about why he lied.
    ella_mom

    Answer by ella_mom at 4:56 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • Yes I told him that when he has his own kids he will then understand why it is important not to lie about anythig. I did also tell him that I was there for him and I would ever judge him. I guess he is just at the teenage stage. But he is the type to try and get away with things. I didnt want to drop it, because he gets awa with most of the les, so I wanted to stand my ground and show him that I know when he i lying.
    B.R.E.A.K.K

    Answer by B.R.E.A.K.K at 8:10 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • sorry for all the spelling errors, my keyboard is wireless and skips letters.
    B.R.E.A.K.K

    Answer by B.R.E.A.K.K at 8:12 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • I don't think that you made too big of a deal out of it. Maybe if I had a parent sit down with me back in the day to talk about lying I wouldn't have had such a struggle with it in my adult life! It wasn't until 7 or so months ago that I was able to finally get over my problem of lying, because it's just how I grew up. But that's besides the point, I think you did exactly what you should have done. Even though this is a small lie, it could easily (and I *KNOW* this) escalate into bigger and bigger lies. Best to nip it in the bud NOW
    MamaPyratekk

    Answer by MamaPyratekk at 8:12 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • In this situation, I would have left that one alone. At this age, young men have this HUGE ego thing and he was probably embarrassed that you made the comment that he smelled nice. =)
    I am sure you were just trying to spark something nice to make him feel good, but I faced this years ago...men, in genereal, are touchy!! So, the truth factor...it was time to sit and talk with him about this, but partner up with his dad and do it as a couple. It coming from both of you will catch his attention more. Doing it alone, men call that "nagging". I agree with you that it is time to head this lying stage off and set your boundries with him on other "lying" issues. It is also a age milestone, but if you keep your feet planted on the "no lying" home rule, he will get it. Hugs to a great mom!!!
    ladyoprayer2

    Answer by ladyoprayer2 at 8:44 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • over soap if it was something like that I would have pushed the issue and made the point to have him tell the truth. It would be easier then if he was doing something wrong he will know he can trust you. He probley was imbarassed but he still needs to be truthful. They are soposed to feel comfortable enough to tell us anything. (MY kids are under the age of 4) But I hope they will feel comfortable to talk to me when they need help. any time you know he is not being truthful call him on it. IF they don't learn young they will have a harder time when they get older.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • I was glad to see someone else bring up trust. He's 14 it's time to have a serious talk with him about trust, and how lying destroys it and once it's gone it's hard to earn back
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:31 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • It's not about the soap. It's about lying. It is a huge deal. If he gets away with lying on some things then he will lie about everything and won't stop. He needs consequences for his actions. Find a loving way to deal with it fast or by the time he is an adult he wont be credible to anyone. I have a love one who lies all the time too and I have a hard time believing some of the things that come out of his mouth, it is very sad and to think he sometimes believes his lies.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

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