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i need advice

here it is Jan5th and I still have my two oldest kids xmas gifts....i invited them to my house xmas eve for the dinner we have been having for the last three years...they refuse to come saying my MIL treats them like shit...that is so not true...my MIL is the best she treats me and my 3 boys that live with me BETTER then MY OWN MOTHER DOES!!!! so on xmas eve my 11 year old son calls me and starts demanding that I bring them their gifts just 2hrs prior to the dinner....i said you guys are more then welcome to come here if you want your stuff that bad that you have to have it today....they say no cuz SHES gonna be there and my daughter (14) goes on to say if we come there and she says one word to me I will ruin your dinner and tell that bitch off!!!first of all dont call her a bitch second y r u cussing??third your not going to do such thing in my house that is my family too...ok so to make a really long fight a little shorter it ends with my daughter telling me she hates me and my son telling me im nothing but a birthing chamber to them....so of course like any human i am crushed by this I cant beleive my children feel this way about me....so my problem is like i said i still have their xmas gifts sitting in my closet part of me feels i shouldnt give them to them since they disrespect me so much but the other part feels so guilty not giving them to them.....what would you do in this situation??? i dont want to give them the stuff and let them think they can talk to me however they want and then that would be teaching my youngest 3 that they can talk to me like that i really just feel like i should walk away from them until they are old enough to get away from my mother and then expalin things to them more in depth......i should add we have tried doing a second dinner with them alone and it HAS to be at my mothers SOs house where there is 6 yes 6 boxer dogs that rule the roost....if we go there me my husband and my other 3 kids are made to sit on the floor like we are dogs since the dogs are all over the furniture and good forbid we ask them to get down....my mothers SO has even said that he would choose his dogs life over mine....and when he said that he said it to my two oldest children and my 11 year old neice....so y should i have to subject myself or my other three kids to being made to feel like we are the animals???

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hiswifey0725

Asked by hiswifey0725 at 2:58 PM on Jan. 5, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 10 (492 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • If there is such a huge discrepency between how you feel about your MIL and how they feel about her you may want to sit down and try to understand why they feel that way. If it is something childish like "She took my toy away at the dinner table when I was 7" tell them that they need to start growing up. It may be something that your MIL said to the behind your back expecting that you would take her side.

    Either way ask them what the issue is. They are old enough to answer you.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 3:02 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • I would have told them with that tone and attitude they didnt diserve their gifts and when they can act their age and propper then they can have their christmas gifts.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • @ meandrphoto they feel that way because of a camping trip 3 years ago we were almost out of paper plates and my daughter was gonna have a sandwhich and my MIL asked her to use a paper towel or napkin and my daughter went to my mother and told her that she was being mean to her that is the one and ONLY time my two oldest kids have ever been around her....so i know my MIL did nothing wrong my daughter just took that and turned it into a big deal cuz MY mother doesnt like my MIL she pushes my kids to not like her
    hiswifey0725

    Comment by hiswifey0725 (original poster) at 3:09 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • well yeah the should of never talked to you like that... but i would be wondering why they such a big problem with your mother inlaw.. maybe something has happen between them when you werent looking... i would concider it.....and i understand ur mad and upset but walking away until they are older will not solve it...that may make things worse....maybe they feel they are losing you and are threatin buy thios mil...... you know if its a prob to have a christmas dinner with them and youe mil wouldnt it be smart to have a seperate christmas dinner for them so they can have that private time with you.. it may work out better that way...
    niftymisty

    Answer by niftymisty at 3:13 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • if your daughter is 11 and not living with you
    could there be more to the issue than a MIL?
    her way of speaking to you is disrepectful - where did she get this (could it be from another adult feeding her this?) maybe also the whole issue with the MIL-could this have come from adults speaking their minds in front of children?
    who do they live with?
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 3:18 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • @ fiatpax they live with my mother my daughter is 14 and my son is 11 and yes my mother and her boyfriend talk bad about EVERYONE that they dont to and infront of my children....if my mother and him do not approve of you then you too would be bad mouthed to the point my kids wouldnt like you....they have even gone as far as making up stories about family members so that my shildren want nothing to do with them....my mother had asked them if they wanted to start spending weekends with BOTH SAID YES well she was hoping for a no answer and since that wasnt it she then turns around and starts telling them well if you go there your mother will make you watch her other 3 boys for her to sleep or party or do whatever she wants telling my son that he would be responsible for doing household chores so me and my DH can sleep all day or whatever...THIS IS NOT TRUE!!!! my kids are my responsibility not my daughters or sons
    hiswifey0725

    Comment by hiswifey0725 (original poster) at 3:25 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • soundslike the older children living with your mother is a very toxic environment
    does her mother and her SO have legal custody??
    can you get them back ?
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 3:32 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • it is a VERY toxic enviroment my mother has gaurdenship of them she has since 2000 before her and her so got in the picture....her SO has no legal rights to my children what so ever things started going down hill with me & mother when i told her SO was making advances to me telling me i had to have a baby with him when he would hug me he would grind on me and things like that she DID NOT beleive me when i told her this even though it was apperant to EVERYONE but her he let me drive his truck not mom he would give me money not mom he gave me his ring as a gift not mom so since i told her about it she has pulled away from me i could try to get them back however they are old enough to talk to judge & i have already been told by the kids dont wste my time or money they dont want to live with me and DD said she would run away it is a very hard thing to be dealing with & im at a loss with it idk what to do nemore
    hiswifey0725

    Comment by hiswifey0725 (original poster) at 3:39 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

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