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How can I stop enabling my adult daughter, she will not launch?

My middle child is a 28 year old mother of two incredible, healthy little girls. She is a stay at home mom has never had a job or drivers liscense. I am exusted with her, she is forever crying, complaining, depressed and unwilling to launch. She is the needest human I've yet to meet and it's as if the world owes her. I am forced to help feed and support her and her boyfriend for more than 9 years. I simply cannot say no even when I am angry and resentful and do not want to help, I do. She will have the kids call and ask for help grandma. They will tell me mommy is having a bad day will you come? I say I am not going to and can't live with knowing my grands are with a unhappy frequently verbally abusive mom, my daughter. I have taken her for services and gotten medical, took to therapist and she had anti-depressants, she does'nt like 'em....omg please anyone else with advise really will listen to anything. Thanks in advance...I am sorry no name she uses cafe moms too.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:29 AM on Jul. 7, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Tough Love is about all I can tell you,but, YOU have to do it

    Answer by Kat122 at 2:17 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • Oh wow ok i'm 22 and i'm having the failure to launch too so maybe i can help? i'm looking for work and i want to be a wahm. before i had my child i stayed at home and mooched. i didn't get my license till i was 21 and did't maintain a job for over 6 months until i was 21.  Be firm. she's gotta snap up to adulthood, and thats all there is to it. youve done well but your work is done. if she can't be an adult then find a way to turn her in to the state and take over care yourself. her children Need a stable invirnoment! if u wanna talk anymore you can email me.

    best wishes

    Answer by MoMoFu at 2:18 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • wow, kinda dirty to be using her kids to get stuff from u. idk, maybe u should just tell her that u wont help her, only the kids, or that she can take her meds or ur going to call CPS on her for neglect and abuse (since she cant take care of them and is verbally abusive) and ull take them from her.

    Answer by kissmiss213 at 2:46 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • She needs a wakeup call, take her down to get her driver's licence and then tell her to get a job because the free ride is over and if she refuses tell her you are going to take her to court and have her declared an unfit mother, if that doesn't get her attention nothing will.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 9:02 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • If you have a hard time talking to her about this, then writer her a letter stating what you are willing to do and what you are no longer going to do.....even if you don't give the letter to her it might help you with the next conversation you have with her.

    Answer by malam at 5:56 PM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • i hate to tell you to push her off on someone else but do you know any men her age? or within 20 years of her age lol.

    Answer by ChasesMommy0115 at 6:55 PM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • My 20 yr old considered 'her room' as her house and wouldn't leave it, and had the boyfriend upstairs, arguing, or behaving inappropriately. I was totally enabling. Finally, I said to the on again aoff again boyfriend "YOu are welcome to visit DOWNSTAIRS. You are not allowed upstairs.' Well, he went upstairs the next day, in spite of what I'd said clearly. So I gave them a count of three and then i was gonna call 911. I got to 2. He came down. She moved out. I do not regret it. I wish things had been different, but now she is lving w/ my bro and his wife, respecting their house rules, and helping out. THat did not happen here.

    Answer by onlycathyo at 8:28 PM on Aug. 5, 2008