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Is it selfish for women to have several biological children

When there are so many children in foster care waiting to be adopted. Instead of getting pregnant, should you parent a child who is already here and in need?


Asked by 2ndtimewish at 10:04 PM on Jan. 5, 2011 in Adoption

Level 16 (2,683 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (53)
  • I am so glad that you made this point 2ndtimewish! There are certain individuals on CM who tend to condemn mothers who adopt through DIA. Part of that condemnation is painting us as selfish or lacking compassion for not adopting from foster care, even if we adopted children whom the state would have immediately removed from the home.

    Interestingly, many of the individuals pointing fingers haven't "put their money where their mouth is" as they have multiple biological children and have never even fostered a child. I suppose it is easier to criticize others than to take action.

    Answer by ARgal at 10:34 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • NO....adoption is not cut and dry and children come from many backgrounds that some are not equippedforno have patience takes a special person toadopt achild from foster care. Its not like adopting a puppy dog.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • You know what is bothering me the most from these replies??
    The fact that everyone is saying " Having your OWN child..."
    Well, guess what? My daughter IS MY OWN CHILD! She may be adopted, but she is MINE AND her first parents' in China. I may not have had the honor of birthing that little girl, but circumstances occurred that have given me the GREATEST honor in being her mother..she became mine the day a nanny handed her to us in a busy office building in Guangzhou China.. oh, I also have a BIOLOGICAL child...
    We all make choices daily that can be construed as selfish in one way or another. Biological vs. fostering vs. adoption.. it is only that family's choice..what may be selfish to one family may not be to another.

    Answer by mcginnisc at 11:33 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Personally I think they shouldn't make it so expensive for someone to adopt and more ppl would be willing and able. Raising a child is expensive enough w/o having to worry about how you're going to find the adoption. I don't think it's selfish for someone to want to have their own child, that's what God intended.

    Answer by genagina at 10:08 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • no , its a right of individual

    Answer by letstalk747 at 10:08 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

  • Wow, sounds to me like you're saying if someone isn't willing to be a foster parent and all that goes along with it, they shouldn't parent at all.

    Maybe I'm reading this wrong. I'll look again later with fresh eyes.


    Answer by AAAMama at 10:52 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • No it is not selfish to want to procreate and to produce a child from your lineage. It is a very natural and basic animisticneed.  That is the point of sex in terms of the continuation of any species.  To think that this desire is selfish is to not understand human natureand the nature and drive of all living things.  There are those that think about procreation from a over population stand point and the limited availability of resources.  Then there are those that want to parent, have the desire and drive to expand their family but are unable to parent a biological child and turn to adoption.  How you choose to bring children into your family is really your business.  Adoption is a soul searching journey.  But so is parenthood in general. 


    Answer by frogdawg at 12:38 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • But what about those kids and teens in foster care?

    After you continued your lineage a couple times, shoudnt you focus on the kids who are already born and in true "need" vs. to keep having more kids biologicaly?.

    If you want to be a parent then shouldnt you be willing to parent these kids, even if they are only in your home just long enought for you to get completely attached them and then to see them leave. Why do you need a newborn?

    Yes, it is a shame that there are teens in foster care...however, there are times when the children already present in the home have to take precedence. Would I like to take that chance one day? Sure..but not while I have a 2 yr old and a 5 yr old in the house. Many areas won't allow you to take a child that old and disturb birth order. Whose business is it of anyone else's how someone chooses to build their family? There are many people that should never foster or adopt.

    Answer by mcginnisc at 1:28 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Continued...
    I can tell you that when we began our journey we wanted to be parents more than anything..however, we refused to consider foster care. We had several reasons..
    1.) We had discussed China on our first date at the age of 16...
    2.) We had just lost a child to death and we were not willing to get attached to a child and then have to relinquish him/her back to their rightful parents...that loss would have been catastrophic for us after losing a child.
    3.) My BIL/SIL tried for years to adopt from FC here and were told that they made too much money and were the wrong color...this was after going through the classes, training, background checks, homestudies etc... in 4 years, they NEVER got a placement. Our county sucks and the bad thing is that the state of GA told them this over the phone...I was there when they were called and told this over speakerphone. Not my idea of ethical at all...

    Answer by mcginnisc at 1:35 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I think the OP is making a point and turning around a question that many of us adoptive parents have been asked. We have been told that we are selfish for adopting newborns instead of adopting through the foster system. I agree with those who said it's all about choice and what works for each family - I think that is the OP's point exactly. For example, I recently tried to convince DH to look into foster to adopt so we could add another child to our family, but he is not willing.

    Not everyone is cut out to take on the challenges that may come with fostering. There will be visits with family, social workers, and doctors/therapists. Many of the kids have special physical or emotional needs. It does not mean a person is heartless or unfeeling if they don't think they can handle it.

    I have difficulty handling behavior issues at times with my older, who was meth-exposed. I'm not sure I could handle much more.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 2:40 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

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