Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

How do you know your 100% sure about adoption and not parenting your baby?

Answer Question
 
utah

Asked by utah at 12:59 AM on Jan. 6, 2011 in Adoption

Level 3 (18 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I just knew. I was torn from start to almost finish, but one day I just knew. I just knew I wouldn't be able to handle being a single parent, I just knew I wouldn't be able to give her everything, be the kind of parent she needed. It's been over 11 years and I don't regret it. She's doing wonderfully and I get to see her whenever I want (open adoption).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Your heart will lead you in the right direction. I was stuck making that decision too. When I started looking through online profile's of adopting families I was sure I was going to keep her. I couldn't find anyone I liked and would trust. Finally, after 100's of profiles, I found the perfect family for my baby. I built a relationship with them over the pregnancy, and I couldn't have made a better decision.

    Trust me, when you find the family you're looking for, you'll know. The gift you're giving them is a wonderful one, and they will definitely let you know that. You'll be their angel. I promise.
    AtHomeMommy-3

    Answer by AtHomeMommy-3 at 1:05 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • ...if you ever have questions or just need to talk to someone, PM me. I've been in your shoes. I've done it already.
    AtHomeMommy-3

    Answer by AtHomeMommy-3 at 1:06 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Thanks ladies it's nice to know I'm not alone.
    utah

    Comment by utah (original poster) at 1:08 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Gift? Seriously....

    Children are not posessions. We are not presents to be 'given' to the most 'deserving' people.....

    As much as it hurts, adoption hurts more for the children. We know you for 9 months, gro in you, we have an emotional bond with you and then we get fumped in a strangers house, no smells we recognise, no sounds we know... no-one who looks or sounds like us... and told to deal.
    Well, we don't.

    Do whatever you can to parent your child. If it's a case of money, then screw it. There are food banks, and family cannot be compared to money.
    Piskie

    Answer by Piskie at 10:56 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I wish I could give you answer unfortunately I was never 100% and I will never be 100% because the choice was stripped from me.

    Even if you do feel 100% sure and confident in your decision, make sure you're prepared to deal with the grief afterwards. Even with the best adoptions I believe everyone has some form of grief, even if its small don't ignore it - deal with it head on.
    It may come immediately or it may come weeks, months, years later.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 11:51 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • quote - "Trust me, when you find the family you're looking for, you'll know. The gift you're giving them is a wonderful one, and they will definitely let you know that. You'll be their angel. I promise."

    Unless you get one of those couples who promise you the world and then close the adoption on you. Happens all the time. No open adoption is legally enforceable.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:44 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • The only way to be 100% sure is to try parenting your baby before you chose adoption. There is nothing written in stone that adoption has to happen at the hospital. In fact that's the worst time for it to happen. You need to recover from delivery and spend some time with your baby. Be sure of what you are giving away, a baby inside you is one thing as in abstract, when your baby looks at you and you see the recognition that's another thing.

    You can take as long as you need before you decide whether or not to parent. Until you sign the papers that baby is yours, you are a mother just like any other mother.

    I also recommend that you don't look for adoptive parents until after you've had your baby and are sure you'll be choosing adoption.

    Good luck.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:49 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • You never fully 100% know. You just have to make the best decision for YOU!!!!! You will ALWAYS for torn between the two decisions. If you parent, you will wonder, what if I make an adoption plan. If you choose adoption you will always wonder what if I had parent. Its never a CLEAR answer.

    I wish you all the best. I have been there. I still wonder "what if" after almost for 4 yrs of placing my second daughter.
    TLW514

    Answer by TLW514 at 4:53 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • There is NO way that you ever know 100% or even anything close. How could you know? My son was relinquished over 40 years ago, and I still don't know if it was best for him or not. Things ultimately worked out for him, but, I have no reason to believe that I could not have raised him well too. There are no guarantees in adoption; it is a huge gamble. A lot of luck is involved, as well as many other factors, that determine what kind of a person a child becomes.

    I think a mom will feel more comfortable with her decision if she educates herself thoroughly before making any decision and explores all options to parent (and, if possible, tries to parent.). Otherwise, she may have deep regrets and wish she had at least tried. Even if adoption is necessary and best for a child, children handle adoption differently. For some, it is difficult and painful and others seem to take it in stride.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 5:14 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Adoption
adopting to family

Next question overall (Just for Fun)
Black or blue

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN