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How can I get over my husband being with other woman while we were separated?

3 other woman, to be exact. We separated twice 2 years ago. He decided to go on dating sites almost immediately because he was "lonely" & "was trying to dull the pain". We actually slept together a few times while we were separated and I got pregnant. He had already broken it off with them & was acttively presuing getting back with me before I found out about the baby. We got back together & actually got pregnant again & had another baby in November. I thought I was over everything but found out he had been talking to one off them on & off for over a year, behind my back. He says it was to make amends for hurting her.... because he slept with me while they were dating. I had asked him to never have contact with these people ever & was devastated when I found out. And this woman is a pyscho, she actually contacted people he knew trying to get him convinced that the baby wasn't his & I was ruining his & my kids lifes. I haven't been with another man ever. There are 4 kids & 16 years with my husband. I know he loves me & we are happy aside from the fact that I am just so hurt that he gas been with other woman.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:54 AM on Jan. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • It sounds as though you could benefit by getting counseling.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 6:58 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I agree! It's sounds like a really good marriage counselor is needed in order to address BOTH of your issues related to trust and communication. Otherwise, what you're BOTH feeling is going to continue. You need to get out in the open EVERYTHING that is bothering BOTH of you, address them head on, and try to work through them. If you are BOTH committed to working through your problems with teh guidance of a counselor then you stand a decent chance of making your marriage work, otherwise...

    I think you need to ask yourselves WHY did you separate 2 years ago? What lead to that decision, and how did you make amends when you got back together,or is it just because you had a child on the way?
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:06 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Wow, I would say he has to end the relationship with this woman. And you have to forgive him and yourself for your transgressions. Until you do that how can you heal? Seek counseling.
    Camilletnt

    Answer by Camilletnt at 7:06 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • "hugs"
    sta517

    Answer by sta517 at 7:07 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Time and counseling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • You have to focus on your relationship now, forgive him, and forgive yourself. If you have cleared up the issues that resulted in you separating in the past, it's best to leave those issues there. Easier said than done I know - but if you are together now you have to learn to trust him again. There are some great books out there for getting over infidelity, maybe those could help?
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 7:16 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I saw a counselor after finding out about him talking to her & she was not very simpathetic. Basically like "you want to stay with him??" and I will have counseling with him when we get insurance. The separation was completely due to lack of communication & both being stubborn. Things are great aside from this. I have forgiven, it's the forgetting Im having trouble with :(
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:21 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I don't think it is likely that you will ever forget what has happened, but you can turn that into a positive if you choose to do so. When the thoughts of it come into your mind, use it as a reminder of just how much you love him and the pain of being apart from him. Then tell yourself that you never want to go through anything like that again. Then tell him how glad you are that he came back to his family. I think we expect way too much of ourselves when we believe that we will ever be able to forget the painful episodes in our lives. The best we can do with them is to let them remind us of where we've been and how far we've come.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:20 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • If you were separated, why would you care at that point, you're halfway to divorce at that level and at sdome point have given up on the realtionship. If he's at that point, he's gonna consider himself free as bird, esp if your not around to stop him. But he sees himself (men do anyway) as broken up, you longer want him around, as such (in his mind) why would you care what he does?
    Mandz1

    Answer by Mandz1 at 8:46 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I don't think you can fully put this behind you until he cuts all ties with this woman. He shouldn't feel guilty for hurting her the only guilt he should feel is sleeping with others while still married to you. He needs to tell the other woman he is done they are not friends and she is nothing to him and to leave him and you alone. Then he needs to go to counseling with you so you can both work through this together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

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