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I dont want to do this anymore.

I am 42 years old and I am raising my 3 year old with the help of his father long distance. I am also a returning college student with a year to go to get my degree. I also have a part-time job within the field that I am going to school for. I am also have a 21 year old son with Autism that still lives at home with me. My 25 year old just moved back in with me and to top everything off I am taking care of my mother even though I have brothers and a sister that have less going on in there life and could take my mother. My question is is it wrong of me to not want to do all of the things I am doing. I need school, I am not ready to put my son in a home. I would like to sent my mother to one of my other silbings, and send my baby to his dad until I am done with school. However everytime I get ready to do this I have to hear a whole lot of cramp from my family. It is so weird to me they are alway at me like well why cant you do it all while they do nothing separte from their own lives. Tell me am I being fair?

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Asked by 1221mom at 9:03 AM on Jan. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (64 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • You are being fair and this is what I would do in your situation.Your siblings need to help out more with your mother.Reverse the roles and tell them they need to take care of your mother and to use you as a back up plan.Keep your 3 yr old because hes at that age he needs his mother and hels learning.It would be a setback if you sent the baby to live with his father and the father's discipline tactics are completely different from yours so by the time u retrieve your son back u will have to retrain him all over again. For your son that is autistic, there are government funded programs that can provide a sitter for your son that u need to do some research about maybe from family autistic support groups in your state.My sister is autistic so I can understand you not wanting to place your son in a home bc my mother battles that decesion sometimes too.Its very emotionally and physically draining to have a child that is autistic.

    Answer by cocoamom03 at 9:18 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • You need to stand up for yourself.
    Maybe the 25 year old can help out with the baby and your 21 year old. That way you can have a break. Sending your kids and mother all over the place isn't going to eliminate stress. It's just you running away from all of your problems. You just need to find a way to make it all work along with getting yourself that downtime that you need.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:19 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • First off - hugs to you. That is a lot on your plate. Can your 25 year old help out with the baby? Also, in your area is there a day program that your son can attend? I live in MA and my DD5 has Down syndrome. Our local ARC has programs for teens and young adults. There are also "respite care" providers that might help you at least get a night or weekend off. You didn't say how functional your son is, but having any kid around ( I have two pretty typical teenagers - one with ADD, but not bad) is hard enough.

    Answer by MeggieSwan at 9:20 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Thank you all for your answer. I have been looking into putting the 21 into a day program. The wait list for them are so long. Right now I am happy to have someplace to vent.

    Comment by 1221mom (original poster) at 9:36 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • sounds like nothing to do with being fair

    you have too much on your plate...period!
    if your 21 yr old son can go to a home and do well, if you know this is a good step in his developing independance-then start the steps-you will not be on this earth forever and he will need to be as independant as he can
    if your 25 yr old 'child' is now living with you, this 'child' needs to helpo ut with things around the house-pull some weight, this situation does not have to be a drain on you-this needs to be a help to you, if not in money way, then a way by means of chores
    i think you do not really want to send your baby to the fathers, just you having too much to do
    as for your mom-who independant is she? can she live with another child of hers? can she live in assisted living apartment, will have other older adults, activities and assitance with things she needs, also will keep her as indendant as she can be,

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:19 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Yeah I know I will have to do something else with my 21 year old. And I will be talking to the 25 year old about going back out on his own. As far as my mother I do have to find someone, or somewhere for her by the summer.

    Comment by 1221mom (original poster) at 10:26 AM on Jan. 6, 2011

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