Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

dealing with terminal illness

ok so Ive been with my fiance for a year now and Ive always known he was sick ( he has scleroderma) and anyway. He thinks he is ruining my life cause I want kids and marriage sooner then he does. well he told me the other day that at most we only have 10 years left together, and i know 10 yaers seems like a while but he is the only man ive dreamed of spending the rest of my life with, i dont want to love any one else ever again. and im taking it kinda hard i know i should focus on what we have now but i cant help but think that our time together has an expiration date and i want us to have the life we talked about before he passes, so the other night i proposed to him and he said yes, we are gonna do a small cerimony on the 30th of this month, im just having a hard time not cryin ...... please help

Answer Question

Asked by brendans_mom527 at 7:06 PM on Nov. 11, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I am sorry to hear that. Just live as best you can together, maybe the doctors will be wrong or can come up with something w/i the 10 years. Good Luck.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 7:12 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • I'm so sorry about your bf's illness, it's a difficult one to treat much less understand. If you want to marry him because you love him, that's great but you really need to think the kid thing through. Keep in mind your children would have an ill father and most likely lose their father to his illness.

    my father was sick all of my childhood. he died when i was young and it was devistating. it was a constant worry for me.

    it's your choice but the children you bring into your marriage won't be able to have any input.

    it sounds like you are sincerely in love and a really good person. best of luck to you.


    Answer by pugpin at 7:18 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • This might not make things any easier, but try to look at it in a different way. You could end up going before him! NOBODY is guaranteed tomorrow. The key is to live life in the now and not worry about the future. You have proposed to him. You have an idea of when he may "go." You have no idea about yourself. You could be in a car crash and die tonight.

    Try not to think about the future and live life as if today COULD be your last day.

    I doubt this will help, but I thought I'd give it a try anyway...

    Answer by rhope4 at 7:18 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • i completely understand that we arent promised tomorrow, and i guess thats what im trying to get across to him he is always worried that something else will go wrong and he seems afraid to truely live, i keep telling him that we should make the best of now before we cant do anything, and i understand the children aspect, my daddy died of a terminal illness when i was young and i had to quit hs to take care of him while mom worked, idk i guess im just being selfish for wanting to have something of him with me everyday after he is gone, im sure thats horrible, but he is soooo awsome with my son brendan and they love each other so much and he is gonna be a great dad. and i want him to experiance that because he always talks about kids and wanting at least one but i guess he is scared to go through with it and i understand why.........

    Answer by brendans_mom527 at 7:33 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Take it from someone who knows what it is like to loose someone you love. Take everyday and cherish it and give him all the love you can give.Make him your everything and try to just take it all in and make all the memories you can with him. What is going to happen will happen and there is nothing you can do to change that.So hold on to what you have now and just enjoy it. So when your final day comes with him you have no regrets and you may find closure and peace in what ever happens.Good luck and I wish you and your soon to be hubby all the best

    Answer by andrea515 at 7:34 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
I need self esteem please!!!!!

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
I am so thankful