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Fear and parenting

I know someone who is VERY involved with her children and she has great kids. One thing I have noticed that concerns me is how much fear is involved in her parenting. She is a perfectionist and is hard to be close to because she is so busy trying to have everything perfect. I think she is afraid of failure really. I am not taking any action this is just an observation and discussion. She seems to parent based on her fears plus she makes the kids behave based on fear as well. She gave her boys the sex talk they are turning 8 & 11. She told them all about STDs and gave alot of emphasis about how this can ruin your life. She seems to want to control everything in their lives and homeschools them due to fears of what could happen at school. I tend to be a worrier myself but I try not to parent based on fear of what could happen. What do you think about this type of parenting..have you seen anyone else do this?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Jan. 6, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (16)
  • STD's can ruin there life. I would definately instill that fear. I am a fearing parent. I try not to let my kids know all my fears. I do tell them strangers can steal them away from us and do bad things to them. I don't hover over my kids and they go to public school.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Some parents go overboard with fear and I feel sorry for her children, we cant fear everything in life her kids may be afraid to move if she keeps on. I see no harm in home schooling if its for the right reasons, does she live in a bad district where the schools could be dangerous? Sometimes home schooled kids are smarter than public schooled kids, but we cant protect our kids from everything its like someone once said if all the christian kids were taken out of school who would be there to be an example to all the kids that were being unruly. We live in the real world and cant shelter our kids from everything

    Answer by Momabear455 at 12:33 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I am not minimizing Stds my dd is 8 and we have stared talking about reproduction and bodies but I dont think the first impressionkids get should be based on all the bad things that could happen. I honestly think she is a good mom but her motivation and direction all seems like it stems from fear. I wish i could describe it better. She always has to look perfect, always has to exhaust herself bing perfect with her children, packs a gun to go to the grocery store..she just seems really afraid in the world.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:35 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • She lives in a gated community with a guard where everyone drives golf carts. If someone revs the engine at all she call the front desk to have them pulled over. We were at the pool when they first moved there and she called the gaurd 3 they had their own pool installed because she didnt like dealing with other people at the pool.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:37 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Somethibg bad must have happened to her at some point.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I think that parents that are too controlling usually ends up in disaster. Sort of like hearing preachers daughters being wild because they were taught to be perfect.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • STDs can ruin their lives, it's good that she is not afraid to talk to them about that. We chose to homeschool our kids and part of that is because of the kinds of things that are allowed to go on in the public school system. Five reported rapes in one year?!? Several calls a day to the local PD for student violence?!? Academics put on hold so sports programs can flourish?!? You bet I want to protect my kids from that!

    Answer by scout_mom at 12:44 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Well one of two scenarios is likely, the kids will either A: rebel HARD, over protected kids seem to do that to assert independance, or B: they could end up being afraid of everything and not having any coping skills of their own which is very detrimental to a childs well being, especially when they are old enough to leave the nest. Of course they could end up as perfectly normal adults but the odds aren't in their favor

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 12:48 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Zakysmommy I agree. I really care about her kids but I dont see them often. I hope they turn out fine but the parenting seems so intense.
    Ex. They came to visit us and were at the public pool playing (it was Catholic schools night so it was only people we knew there). My dd's friend picked her up, dd is 8, and said come on you are going off the diving board. My dd was laughing and telling boy she would be right back she had to go on the diving board. He FREAKED out and started yelling, "Put her down!!" and being agressive towards the girl. My dd kept saying she is my friend, its ok, I know her!! The kids are very well rerounded and smart but they dont understand other kids at all. If teh mom was there she would have been all over the girls about how you dont carry someone off against their will and a whole lesson...but they were just being kids and playing..kwim??

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:57 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • well seeing as my parents parented that way and i have anxiety issues w/ almost every decision i make, i do think its a big deal. the fear of failure and need for perfection is painful and keeps me from doing a lot of things that i would otherwise enjoy. luckily, i went to therapy while in college so i know why im the way i am, and how to keep from raising my children to be the same way. i feel for her makes it so hard to function "normally" in the real world.

    Answer by okmanders at 1:10 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

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