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Parenting... How much is too much to expect a parent to give up for their children?

I know parents who give up everything.. They are miserable but feel some great accomplishment..

I know parents who deny themselves nothing.. and often it hurts their children..

So where in there between the two are you? and Where and what is asking too much?

 
2boys4momma

Asked by 2boys4momma at 12:53 PM on Jan. 6, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 14 (1,513 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Where and what is asking too much? Well there is no direct answer to that because where and what is going to be different for each family. Although, you could indirectly summarize the "too much" question with this - when mom has lost herself and/or is miserable it's gone too far. When the kids are neglected it's gone to far. The rest? It's going to depend on the who more than the where and the what.

    Personally I think I'm a pretty cruddy parent when it's the only thing I am. I'm also a horrid wife when that's all I focus on. I need to give each facet of *who* am I attention in order to be good at any of it. My faith and my family comes first - but that doesn't mean I get ignored. I have my dinners out with friends. I volunteer for things I care about. I have hobbies. I have a part-time job I enjoy. That means when I'm with family, I'm not overstressed and overdependent on having them define me.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 1:05 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I would say I'm right in the middle. My son gets everything that he NEEDS, not everything that he wants. Since I've become a mom I've made alot of changes in my life so that I could be a good mother, but I can't say I've necessarily given up alot. Sure I've missed out on certain things - vacations and nites out, being able to do whatever I wanted at the spur of the moment. But I still do many of the things were important to me- go out with friends, play sports, go to school. You don't have to give up everything to live a well balanced life.

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 12:59 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • busy momYou have to find a happy medium where you are both healthy and happy.

    peace013

    Answer by peace013 at 1:21 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I am in between i do for them and for me. it has to be even and sometimes it has to be all about them.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:56 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • depends on the age of the child and the household situation as with anything, Personally I am in a great marriage, we both work full time because we HAVE to. My son is only 3 but I CHOOSE not to have a full outside life of him right now. We had a very rough start so I am enjoying him any chance I can. Also, because he is 3, I need him to see that mommy has HER things to, and I DO need a life outside also - although I don't have friends that live close, I decided this year to take a pilates class 1 night a week for 5 sessions.. then taking another one after that - cheap enough to afford and only 1 hour but ALL for ME.. that is all I am willing to give up right now. Otherwise, I choose to give him my life right now
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:57 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I give a lot to my children, emotionally and with material things. At the same time, I see myself as a woman/wife as well as being a mom. There are times when it gets to be about "me," as well as all about them. I think I have a pretty good balance, my kids don't believe the world revolves around them/owes them something and they know they are loved and cherished. I am well-rounded and fulfilled, I think everyone "wins."
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 12:59 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • What exactly are parents giving up?

    I don't give up anything for my child, but I do give him everything he needs. Yes that has meant putting things on hold, or working around him, but he is 3 years old and needs me. I love him and do not resent him..because he has given me so much in life.

    I haven't given up anything - I still have my dreams and my ambitions and I will still continue to do them BUT I would NEVER put them before my son's upbringing - that comes first. Having said that though..I love bringing up my son and giving him what he needs...so I guess my priorities have really changed.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 3:22 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Is this a twist from the episode of "The Middle" last nite? The parents "took back their house". Very funny episode. I believe you can be a good parent & provider w/out spoiling the children rotten & having them grow up w/ a sense of entitlement. You have to still be an individual (& a couple if you are married or involved w/ someone) That's not selfish, it's necessary. I dont believe you should every "give up" on your children- no matter what. They have to know you are there for them. Sometimes you have to step back & let them fail (which is very hard to do), but that's not giving up. It's letting them live their lives & hopefully learning from the consequences. (I'm referring to older children of course- when they think they know more than we do!)
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:01 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Ditto ldmrmom!!!!!!!! The happy medium is having many different aspects to your life with your children always getting what they need.
    cerealmom2

    Answer by cerealmom2 at 1:24 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • i figure im in the middle. we gave up having 2 incomes so i can stay at home, which is hard at times, but its got its own benefits. however, im going back to school for me first and my children second. i want this better degree, i love the subject matter & look forward to it being my career, but i also want to be able to help provide for my children once they no longer need me as much.

    it really depends on what the person is willing to give up and how that affects her...mental & physical well being should never be put aside for a child's want.
    okmanders

    Answer by okmanders at 1:26 PM on Jan. 6, 2011