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MIL help (LONG)

OK... So I need your honest opinion on what you think I should do or rather what would you do?
My MIL... Here we go, I don’t even know where to start. Well I'll start by saying we have never gotten along very well. When I met my husband, her husband had just passed 2 days earlier. So, she was so distraught.(Also, she had a 5 year old at the time) My husband(Chris) had moved in with her to help her with her son. (his brother) well, maybe 4 months after we met we moved in together, she had already been dating other people and his sister moved in as well.
So, Chris(BF at the time) moved in with me, which was great. We lived maybe about 45 minutes from his mom. Well we would take his brother on a lot of the weekends. She met this guy offline and moved him in in less than a week of knowing him. He didn’t have a car or a job so she bought him a new jaguar. (The day prior to her buying him a jag, we asked to borrow a few hundred to fix his car. She said she didnt have that kind of money right now. My truck got stolen the next day so we were without a car altogether.) Anyway, well it turns out this guy is a crazy crack head, so time and time again we have to come "SAVE" Adam (his little brother) from this guy and her. She tries to kill herself multiple times and she wont leave this guy... "shes in love." Well, one time she came to pick up Adam early from our house, because this guy stole her truck and all her deceased husbands tools. She told me that she was just going to drive her and Adam off a bridge so he wouldnt have to live in this horrible life. I in turn took Adam out of the car and wouldnt allow her to take him until she calmed down. This is one of the many incidents where this guy stole, cheat, and lied and she was "kicking him out". NEVER DID!
So, we were planning our wedding and it was already clarified that he was NOT to be at our wedding, she completely understood that was fine. Well, we got bad news about my dad and we had to plan our wedding in less than a month. To save some money we asked if we can do the reception in her backyard. She said of course. (Her still knowing and saying he(the crack head BF won’t be there) So I planned everything I got a dance floor, chairs, tables, dj and it was all paid for. The night before my wedding, she calls and says if he can’t be at your wedding, you can’t have the reception here! Yep, THE NIGHT BEFORE! So I panicked, I didnt want this man at my wedding. So, my husband and I told her, we said fine we won’t have a reception. I told her, the only thing that matters to me is I’m marring the love of my life and my dad get to give me away, before he passes. She then in turn said, well if hes not invited to the wedding Im not going. I just told her ok fine, you will regret this later on, when you are no longer with this man. Adam was one of our ring barriers and all of our things were at her house... Our decorations all of our food (we were just going to BBQ some steaks, hamburgers, hotdogs) She said since she let us borrow 500 bucks (like that pays for anything) shes not giving any of this stuff back to us (still the night before). So, I run to walmart and start buying random stuff for food and decor...
Meanwhile, my little brother has my phone and her boyfriend starts texting me nasty things, calling me every name in the book and so forth. So, my brother of coarse gets pissed, goes and picks up Chris and they call his mom and say we are on our way if he has something to say then he can say it to me. So, she says we dont want any trouble and by the time my husband get there theyre gone. So they wait for hours... then Chris just calls and asked if he canhjust get the stuff, he wont do anything to the b/f. She says no, that all my stuff. So, Chris jumps through his brothers window and grabs everything that he can fine thats ours. (Of coarse our steaks were missing) He and my brother drive back. He gets a text about an hour later of a broken in window and a slit through the screen that says “we are calling the police and tell them you did this”. Chris writes back, fine I have the text proving that you broke the window. They never called the police, instead I got a phone call from her saying, she was sorry and she will be there. She said that she will still bring my decorations and decorate. We all get to bed; I wake up without a care in the world. I dont give a crap about anything besides Im marring the man of my dreams.  She shows up wearing ALL WHITE, and I guess threw the decorations down on the ground and said “I’m not decorating this stupid wedding”. My brother picks up the decorations and says, “You don’t have to”. He decorated my whole wedding. I didn’t know any of this or care about any of this on that day. I was getting ready and so excited! That was it we didn’t talk to her for a whole year after that (BEST YEAR EVER). Ok so she was still with this guy for several years until last new year’s.  CONT..


Asked by kiansmom0423 at 1:15 PM on Jan. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 37 (90,808 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • If she wants to pay for those things that's her choice but I personally would not invest a lot of money into it in case things change before March.
    As for the history with your wedding, you can either just let it go or bring it up to her. For the sake of keeping the peace you might be better off to just put it behind you. Nothing can be done to fix it now anyway. It would be nice if she would apologize or acknowledge what happened, but if you force the issue you risk causing another rift and it seems like that could end the peace that has existed in the last 6 months. It might be better to be glad the bad times are over and hope that they don't return.
    Good luck. I can't imagine going thru all of that drama with your MIL.

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:43 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • holy cow ladie I can tell the story isn't finished yet but from what you wrote right now I would say someone needs to call child services on that woman so the poor 5yr old boy can be raised in a healthier environment and you would all be better off just cutting ties with this insane woman

    Answer by pregoagain2010 at 1:27 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Please find a way to get his little brother away from her she sounds unstable and manipulative and dangerous. That guy sounds like he is harmful to the kid and she does not get it. I would tell your husband he should try to get custody of his brother until she does the right thing. GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:25 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • k just read the rest....I still think you would all be better off without the crazy and someone needs to help that poor little boy that has to live wih her...

    Answer by pregoagain2010 at 1:30 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Sorry should have read the rest I would let it go. She either does not remember or does not care your going to have to be the bigger person.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:31 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Wow, honestly, I would be very leery of her, it sounds like she has some major mental issues. As for going to her wedding, I would leave that up to your husband, if he wanted to go I would go to support him, if not, great I would happily stay home. I would not offer to help out with the wedding, and I would let my kids decide if they wanted to be in the wedding or not.

    Answer by scout_mom at 1:32 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • So basically she was the MIL from hell for 4 years while she was with this guy, and now he is gone, she has a new man and she is like a new person? I would say to be cautiously optimistic, emphasis on the cautious. Maybe she was in a bad place after her husband died and the guy she met took advantage of that. Most people would come to their senses before 4 years, especially with the situation with her son, but clearly it took her a lot longer. I would keep my eyes open for any signs of trouble, especially in regards to the son, and I wouldn't put a lot of trust in her. You have seen that she is capable of terrible behavior, and it would take me a long time to believe someone was really past that capability. Agree to attend the wedding and offer your support or be in the bridal party, but if money is an issue then let her know you can't afford dresses and tuxes, etc and will be happy just to attend. (con't)

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:38 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • From what you say about her previous behavior, I suspect that she was under the influence of drugs. That doesn't excuse what she has done, but I would put it in the past and be there for her wedding. But I would proceed with caution, and I hope you and your dh are still there for his little brother, he needs the consistency in his life!

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 5:45 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • They had a big blow out and Adam called the police (9) they ended up taking her to jail and leaving him there. Well he got a restraining order against her and she wasn’t allowed in or around her own property. He was smart, he had everything, well she got ahold of him and they made an agreement that she would give him cash and he would leave. I don’t know the details but he is gone took 4 years but hes gone. She met this new guy offline and moves him in within a few month. He seems like a nice guy, they are getting married this March.

    Comment by kiansmom0423 (original poster) at 1:23 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • She has completely changed (only been together 6 months now, so she’s been nice for that 6 months to me and my kids, acting like a different person, actually acts like a grandmother.) Well they want us to be in the wedding, they want my son to be the ring barrier and my to walk my daughter down (5 months) as the flower girl, they also want Chris to be one of his groomsmen and to give his mom away. I don’t know what to do? On the one hand she being so nice now, but this would all be just because she wants us in her wedding. I never even got an apology. I spend 1000’s of dollars on a reception I NEVER had. She has already spent 15000 on hers (must be nice, ALSO HER 3RD WEDDING) What do you think I should do? It hard cause she fucked up my wedding so bad! Sorry so LONG. I need some impute. Sorry, about all the bad punctuation and spelling just typing not proofing. Try not to bash that. LOL

    Comment by kiansmom0423 (original poster) at 1:23 PM on Jan. 6, 2011