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Mom trying to tough love


My 22 year old son has had an addition problem and has been in rehab. However he has started using again sometime. He needs a drug to help him get through withdrawals and I have always helped him. Recently I doscovered that he had stolen checks from me and cash. I told him he has to be out by 2/1/11. Well today after two days of not talking to him he calls and says he needs this drug, he feel terrible. I told him that it was his addiction and not mine and I could not help him this time. I know in my heart I'm doing the right thing by saying no, but my heart is breaking, he is my only child and his father and I are divorce (6 years now). Just looking for some support.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:06 PM on Jan. 6, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (10)
  • You have done the right thing.
    My inlaws have FINALLY done the same thing to their daughter, but not before she'd been in her 2nd marriage and had her 3rd child.
    Be firm, stand your ground and know you are doing the right thing.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 6:12 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • You can get additional 24 hour support at Additction Search and there is a forum there as well. 


    Stand your ground.  GL


     

    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 6:16 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I cannot ever imagine what you must be going through. I think all you can do is reassure him of the love you have for him. Let him know you will be there for him always, as long as he gets help. The saddest part is you cannot change him, only he is the one who can make that change for himself. I am sending prayers.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 6:19 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Its the right thing to do. My son has Bipolar disorder and self medicates with street drugs and sometimes pills. He has been in so much trouble with the law because he steals and does whatever he wants to. I finally took him to the ER because I felt he was a danger to himself and others. He was using drugs, depressed and out walking around in cold weather etc. They told him they would keep him involuntarily but the counselor there told him he really needed help. He voluntarily went into rehab and it did help. Maybe you can try and do something like that? I know its hard, but even after my son had helped he relapsed and he knows now mommy isnt going to bail him out of trouble, unless he helps himself and stays clean.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:30 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Gosh, this is so hard cause he can't think clearly while kicking the addiction and yet he must kick it, to move forward. You are doing the right thing. I agree about reminding how much you love him. If there are resources out there for him, show him those but keep telling him you love him and cannot enable him.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 6:54 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • IM A RECOVERING ADDICT ON 01/17/2011 ILL HAVE 2 YEARS CLEAN. I GOT THREE WORDS
    I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO OR ACTUALLY STOP ENABLING HIM.Y FAMILY ENABLED ME FOR 10 YEARS AND SO DID FOR 6 YRS
    ITS HARD TO STOP USING BUT HE HAS TO WANT TO
    19angie74

    Answer by 19angie74 at 12:03 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Thank you Musicmom08, I will certainly go there.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:22 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I feel for you. My brother is a recovered alcoholic, no drinking since 2001 and is preaching now. I would hate to go through that with a son. I had to learn to say no to my brother. But the time I told him I couldn't go pick him up and was done with him, I felt horrible. BUT he ended up calling a friend of our family who got him in a "rehab" in Boone NC that did the trick. It is a nondenominational place but they do go to church. I think that is what really helped him, the Lord but won't get into religion here.
    bertie4

    Answer by bertie4 at 8:53 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • We always want to help the people we love. Love has it's boundries. You're a "peoplel" too, care for yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:54 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I think sometimes our children don't realize when they make these choices, they are not the only one who is infected. Every life they touch who cares about him are affected to! My sister was on Heroin. I watched her sell the Christmas gifts given to her girls so she could buy drugs. I knew she stole from stores then tried to return them. Finally they caught on to what she did. When my husband & I visited & went to the store, they followed us around too. It was embarrassing. She lost everything. Because of her addiction and the toll it took on her body, she died six weeks ago. If you really love your son, Plz continue to say,"I love u, son but I won't help you kill yourself." Find some places he can go to for more than three months. I know there is a place in Florida that they have to be there a year. He needs to know why He's choosing to do this. Hope this helps. Proud of you!
    WalknWithGod

    Answer by WalknWithGod at 12:51 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

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