Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Alternative punishment for grounding

My son has typically been a "A/B" stundent. Since he started middleschool his grades have gotten slightly worse. Noe he is a B/C student with a couple A's. The problem is his lack of motivation. I do not think grounding him from the internet, phone, or bike is gonna work. I've tried that before and it only makes the whole house miserable. I have thought about sending him to summer school because he got his first "D" on the 2nd quarter report card. Any other suggestions? How do you motivate an almost 14 year old boy?

Answer Question

Asked by kelc78 at 8:04 PM on Jan. 6, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Ask him if theres something bothering him, he may be bored at school they may not be stimulating his mind enough. Ask before you punish there may be more to the story than just lack of motivation you know what i mean.

    Answer by Marie_07 at 8:07 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I agree with Marie, I would talk with him see if there an issue at show...I know you remember what it was like going to middle school for the first time, kids can be cruel...If its not a school issue and he is just slacking then there's a problem...As far as paying for summer school I refused to pay for my daughter to go to summer school, why pay for something that she could be doing for free...The thought of her friends moving on and her not is want got her motivated...Hope it all works out...

    Answer by sam223 at 8:13 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Good point. We have talked about it. He literally thinks that he is stupid and can't get better grades. I disagree...he says "you have to say that you're my mom". So I pointed out that some of his bad grades are because he did not turn in all of his homework and had 8 zeros. I also showed him the results of all the state testing from the last 4 years and point out that he was at the top of the scale and tested higher than 82% of the other students. It really is a depressing subject for him to discuss. He was very upset about summer school because he doesn't want to labeled a "dumb kid". I need to figure out a way to teach him a good work ethic. Motivate him to want to achieve to the best of his ability.


    Comment by kelc78 (original poster) at 8:19 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Well, with my boys I tried to have logical consequences. I'm afraid it did often make life difficult, but our rule was if you don't have time to do your schoolwork, you don't have time for television, or video games, etc. Discipline isn't always easy on the parents either, but it's our job.

    I would ask for a texting and call log for his cell phone from your service provider. I found one of my sons was texting during class time, and all night long when he should have been sleeping. I had his texting completely shut off. He wasn't able to send or receive any texts on his phone. He hated it, and he did make us miserable over it, but his grades did improve.

    We also had a rule that if they weren't responsible enough to do their homework, they weren't mature enough to have a driving permit or license. Adult privileges require adult responsibility.


    Answer by ohwrite at 8:32 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Also, our school put one of our sons on a weekly progress report. He had to take this report to each of his teacher's every Friday, they would sign it, put his current grade, and right notes about missing assignments etc. This made it much easier to enforce the consequences without having to drag the punishment out until the next progress report.

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:34 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Take deep breath - Middle school are the hardest years for boys. Period!

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:31 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I agree with twinsplus2more..middle school is a hard time, especially for boys. The work could be harder than it was in elementary school, he has to get used to more homework, harder projects and less help. He is learning to take responsibility for his actions, work, etc. Sometimes, kids have to learn by natural consequences. He has to learn that he will fail if he doesn't do the work and that would be no ones fault but his own. His grades are not terrible and grounding isn't going to work to make his grades better.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:39 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • It sounds like he is depressed, not naughty, and needs support and therapy, not punishment

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:45 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • It could be frustration and not being properly instructed by the school on the skills he needs to succeed in middle school.
    There are some good books on getting good grades. Test taking strategies, managing your time, how to take notes, how to study. These are all new skills that he needs in middle school.

    Answer by booviemom at 12:34 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.