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Is there any relief in admitting to being sexually abused years later?

It's a subject more people are getting stronger in but I just can't open up to it. The most anyone knows is that I wasn't raped but I was touched and treated very inappropriately as a kid. I tended to block it out even when it happened. Today the SOB who did it had the nerve to send me a facebook request. Seeing it just made so much anger come over me. He came into the picture when I was a toddler and was with my mom for about 5 years til she left him. My siblings are biologically his. When they split, he became a total jerk and hypocrite and the abuse started when he had us over night for visitation. I never told my siblings, mom, family, authorities, or anyone. I feel so angry at my adult family members ESPECIALLY MY MOM for not knowing or making me feel safe enough to tell them. I have very little contact with any of them now cause we just don't get along. I'm kinda angry at myself for not telling my siblings what their father is (they have little contact with him since he's a crackhead). I get angry at my husband sometimes for touching me when I don't want to be touched. I just don't know what to do about it all. I started acting out and avoiding night visitation. I wish my mom would've noticed that and tried to help instead of punishing me. Then eventually he just didn't call or come by cause he's a dead beat dad. I've seen but not spoken to him a few times in years through my siblings but never confronted him. He acts like nothing happened. I don't know what to do with the anger. There's nothing I can prove so I don't want the pain and embarrassment of reporting him. I'm so mad at my family and feel like they wouldn't care even if they knew. I'm mad at him for doing that to me and having the nerve to preach about how being a slut or pervert is against god. I guess being a pedophile is ok to him. Where do I channel this? Who do I talk to? Does talking ever help? I also kinda feel guilty that I'm upset over this when there are other people who suffered actual rape and torture and for much longer than I did and weren't helped even when people knew. I read today that 65% of women experience some sort of sexual abuse at some point in their life and it infuriates me. How is this happening so much?! Why aren't we bein protected?! I'm just so upset and don't know what to do about it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on Jan. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I believe there is something that frees itself from your tortured soul when you allow yourself to verbally set this secretive information free. It's like invisible baggage that you have carried around. Imagine how much lighter you would feel if you could just set it down. I wish you luck on your journey!

    Serendipitydoo

    Answer by Serendipitydoo at 9:38 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I would suggest counseling, with a counselor who specializes in the sexual abuse area. You can work with this person one on one and see how it goes from there. The problem also is that this jerk just invaded your Facebook and wants to be friends with you. Its not over yet. He is still very real and very right in your face. You need to learn the tools to deal with all of this in a safe setting behind closed doors with a trusted professional,,,good luck
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 9:43 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • My husband knows. Honestly I think I am at peace with it. He went to prison for a long time, got out and was sent right back in. All without me coming forward of what he did to me when I was 6. He was sent to prison for molesting his daughters child, she let him live with her after he molested her for all of those years. I have stayed away from this man most of my life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • i kind of have the same problem too, my dad tried to molest me when i was 14 ( he was drunk) and i dont talk to him im very pissed at him for a lot of reasons, he has always treated me like shit growing up, andi have low self esteem cuz of him, i cant even stick up for my self cuz he made me live in fear my whole life.And he still tries to run my life when im a grown adult with my own family. and he is still an alcoholic. he would tell me that he wished i was never born and shit like that. i tried to tell my stepmom about what he tried to do to me when i was 14 but when she went and talked to him about it she tried to lie to me about it just to cover his ass. i was pissed, my sister knows about it and my dads whole family and they seem to not want to do anything about it. im afraid to say anything about my problem too cuz im afraid everybody in my family will get pissed especially for waiting so long to say anything.
    hello_kitty1

    Answer by hello_kitty1 at 9:57 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Yes, it lets you let go of the past and live in the present and look forward to the future. It lets you let go of any guilt because you did NOTHING wrong. Go to counseling and work it out. talk about it, get out the hurt, anger, etc. IF you can, forgive because it gives closure but that doesn't mean what the person did was ok.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:02 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • For you I think it would help, its obvious that your life was greatly impacted and continues to be impacted by the abuse you suffered. I think you would benefit from speaking about your experience, perhaps start with counseling or an anonymous support group and work your way up to telling your mom and siblings and maybe if you chose to you could rebuild a relationship with them. For me personally, admitting that it happened to me did not bring any relief because it hasn't affected my life. There was never any need for relief - it happened when I was so young I hardly remember it and the people responsible for molesting and raping me have not been in my life for a very long time.
    anon1986East

    Answer by anon1986East at 10:20 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Talking to someone would do you a world of good.

    I understand your anger, it is really something that is so very wrong and you should have had someone protecting you. Mothers like yours make me incredibly angry too, sure she was ignoring the signs for her own selfish reasons...how in the world a parent can do that to their own child??? It is one thing for the sick jerk to do the act, but it is worse for the mother to look the other way. What happened to you was really so wrong and so unfair. You have a right to be so upset and the guilt is quite normal too.

    For your own sake, you need to get more help than we can provide on this. You need to have a two way conversation with a professional who can help you sort everything out and decide to report him or not once and for all so you can be healthy and focus on your family. I would not be involved with any of your former family members who permitted this to happen.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 11:34 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I wrote a very detailed paper. when it happened where it happened and how it made me feel, it was tough but helped get the anger and resentment out. Alot of tears too
    My2boys0523

    Answer by My2boys0523 at 11:38 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Wow I am always surprised when i hear about this kind of crime. I say do whatever and I mean whatever you want to do. If it feels good then do it. If it feels like its going to make you have to deal with this longer and not worthit to you then dont. There is no right or wrong answer here. He knows what he did. So you could just block him on facebook. Or you could ask him why he would molest his womans daughter. How low could a person be? Pls dont blame your mom. I doubt she knew. By the sound of it she was spread pretty thin with all the kids and responsibilities. We all make mistakes. She meant you no harm.After you ask him on facebook record his answers and show the police. Its really up to you. and whatever makes you feel better. I may suggest just blocking him and moving past it. One comfort is that youare you. and he has to be him. which must suck because he's just crap. Love and hugs to you.
    prettymango

    Answer by prettymango at 1:10 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I can understand how angry you are, believe me. It took me 3 years before I told my mom and sisters I was raped. It happened 12 years ago. Honestly, I don't believe my dad even knows. Since then, I've only told 3 people (relationship guys). I never told anyone how it happened except one person and when I told him, he literally was getting off to it on the phone and when I realized what he was doing I hung up and felt even more disgusting.

    My boyfriend now knows it happened but not anything more. He thinks I need to open up about it but after what happened when I did, I'm not wanting to take that route again. I've dealt with it for 12 years, I can handle it. I know he thinks that since he worked in counseling for victims before that it's best for me to really deal with it out loud and to trust him to listen, but I don't feel it's a good idea. But that's just me.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 8:46 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

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