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4 Bumps

HOw do you get over your hurt feelings to get back to where you need to be?

My husband and I have not had sex since before Christmas. He is too tired and stressed. I gave him a sexy book for Christmas he promised to make more of an effort. NOpe he falls asleep and does not even try.
So I decided tonight I would go up early to make sure he was a wake. He still couldn't put any effort in. I just couldn't get over my hurt feelings to make it work.
Tell me how do I get out of my own way to get back to a healthy place. I am hurt and he thinks it is all my fault. As far as I can see fault is not the issue...
How to I get over this. To make it work? Help me here...

Answer Question
 
mmmegan38

Asked by mmmegan38 at 9:44 PM on Jan. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 29 (39,651 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Do you fell like the spark is gone?
    Amber0022

    Answer by Amber0022 at 9:49 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • You need to explain this to him tell him what you want and what you need and maybe you can make a date night? Anything that turns this moment into a good moment for you. Talk be honest and also let him no you don't think fault is the issue GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:51 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Knowing me I would not initiate sex with him. Let him miss me and if he doesn't and he makes no effort I would tell him if you don't want me I will go find someone else that does. It worked for me. Hopefully it will work for you!
    Darla47

    Answer by Darla47 at 9:52 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • What is he tired & stressed about? Have you really talked about it? There is more to love & a relationship than sex. Maybe you can help relieve his stress with a nice sensual body massage. Put the kids to bed, light some candles, warm up some stress relieving massage oil and make it sexy. When my guy is tired from working OT, this is what I do for him. No, it's not sex. But, it is sensual skin-to-skin contact. And, knowing that it helps relieve the stress for him, relieves the stress for me. It doesn't always have to be about SEX.
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 9:55 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I agree, trying to place fault will only cause more problems. I remember when my dh had a very labor intensive job with super long hours. He never seemed to be interested in sex. And of course, I always put the fault on me. I wasn't pretty enough, he wasn't attracted to me for some reason! But in all honesty he was just exhausted! Maybe if you just pull back a little and let him know you love him and appreciate him. Maybe there is something going on at work that's weighing heavy on him. Or perhaps he has some hurt feelings of his own. I know it's difficult, but I think patience will win in this situation.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:20 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I would feel really hurt too. I hope it gets better!! Its hard to keep trying when he doesn't give any effort. Good Luck

    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 10:25 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • There's alot of stress out there and he may even be keeping some of it from you for fear of burdening you or it makes him feel bad to talk about his stress. Maybe make a nice meal. Wait till hes out of the shower and give him a back rub. No strings or expectations. Tell him a joke. that kind of thing . Maybe he needs to chill out and needs someone to chill out with for a while . Put him first a bit. let him know youre thinking of him without being demanding. Sounds nice eh? Talk to him like there's no problems with you.and he can be relaxed then he's going to notice that you are really there for him and things will improve. Try to do something for him that will make his day easier. Take off for a while for yourself leave him love notes. let him miss you.
    prettymango

    Answer by prettymango at 12:57 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Try to talk with him maybein the afternoon, try to ge someone to watch the kids. Suprise him with some alone time. Maybe he will be suprised and suprise you. You should also find out what is stressing him and be understanding and let him know you ae by his side no matter what. Try just holding him close and kissing and thats it no pressure. Be patient. You may need him to be patient someday for you.
    21lisa72

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 1:47 PM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • My gosh,everyday problems are enough to make you stress out !!Yes the truth is out men and women sex lives do decrease over time,does not mean the magic is gone,its called life.Give each other room.Hey my best was 11 times in 2 days!!And what a memory that is but you have to be realistic too.As marriages mature,the love is deeper,and if things do not happen the way you think they should open that thing under your nose and ask why??Talking to each other is the relationship,not sex,its trust,honor ,love,respect that fuels a true relationship.Sex isn't as important as those .Good luck.
    grismelda

    Answer by grismelda at 2:39 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

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