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When do you draw the line between your children and a friend that seems to be a bad influence?

Let's say you have two children, boy who is 11 and a girl who is 9. They play with the neighbor's kids, both boys, ages 12 and 6. If the nieghbor's boy who is 12, told your 9 yr old daughter to f**k off, and the parents of this child deny that he would ever say that yet they allow him to use that language when he's angry and he's said it to them as well. What exactly would you do? How would you handle it? If you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that your daughter isn't lying and her brother confirmed her story, how would you handle this? What would you say to the parents? Would you allow them to continue playing with these kids?


Asked by tedabear at 9:40 AM on Jun. 19, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (5)
  • I wouldn't allow them to play together. We don't accept that language or behavior in our home and by allowing your child to play with one that is allowed it sends mixed messages. Perhaps if this child starts losing friends by his behavior his parents and he might both realize this isn't socially accepted behavior.

    Answer by WatchGirl29 at 11:27 AM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I wouldn't let them play together anymore. A 12 year old boy and a 9 year old girl have no business playing together in my book anyway.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 AM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I dont think I would allow them to keep playing. My son (only 6) had a friend that swore and his parents wouldnt say anything when he did it, they would kind of just laugh it off like it was cute. Well, I said something to them one day because my son brought it up to me that it was bothering him and they said that he hears it he is going to say it. So they do not play anymore!

    Answer by ohara_b05 at 9:52 AM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • If both the children were offended enough to bring it up to someone, it is entirely possible that they don't really want to hang out with the boys anyway. Honestly, 3 years as an adult isn't a big deal, but between 9 and 12, there is a huge maturity gap and interest block. The kids probably play together more out of convience than anything else. It may be doing to children a favor to tell them they can't play together, even aside from the moral issues. The girl may be looking for a way out of it without having to make that choice on her own.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 12:18 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I like all the answers so far. Really taking into consideration the age difference with teh girl and boy. Also though a great opportunity to talk to your kids about their choice in friends and their sense of self esteem- to value themselves enough to choose friends that are worthy of them. Not to over inflate their ego or creat an "us/"them" mentality but kids, especially girls at 9 years of age go through a pronounced self esteem "dive" at this age and need lots of coaching about how to value and protect themslves.

    Answer by sheahan97 at 1:33 PM on Jun. 19, 2008