Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Nursing a toddler and a baby. i need help!!! Ease my guilty mind.

ok..here's my situation....I have a 2 1/2 year old. He was a very colicky baby, very high strung and wanted to nurse constantly and never stopped wiggling. Breastfed every 2 hours in the night until he was 16 months old (only stopped because i got pregnant and the milk changed). i'm pretty sure I had postpartum depression with him. I was stressed out a lot when he was a baby. I felt like i could never get away from him....all i wanted was a moment to myself and never got it. Anyway...I'm still nursing him, nursed through my entire pregnancy!! I planned to nurse him until he was 2, but a lot was happening at the time he turned 2. i gave birth to his brother a month after his 2nd bday and didn't want too much change for him. So the baby came along and he is just such an easy baby. He's very happy and laid back (thank god). The baby is now 6 months old. The last 6 months of nursing my toddler have been very challenging. He went from nursing only to sleep and nap to now nursing about 12 times a day!!! And asking for it about 50 times...no kidding! it's very annoying to me and i sometimes don't think i react the way i should. I still feel like i'm trying to escape him just like i was in the beginning. i feel awful about it and i feel soooo sooo GUILTY! i have this little baby who brings the biggest smile to my face and i want to hold him and be with him...and then there's my toddler who i'm constantly scolding and trying to escape. Do i love the baby more?? i just feel like a piece of shit mom. Am i a bad mother? i know people will say just wean the toddler...but how can i wean him when he needs it sooo much?

Answer Question
 
MaMaMo531

Asked by MaMaMo531 at 10:22 PM on Jan. 6, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Your toddler is just trying to adjust to not being the only one anymore, all kids do it to some degree when a new baby comes. They want comfort and assurance from mom, that's all. It is perfectly ok to not nurse him at this point if you don't want to as it is not nutritionally necessary. I bet if you get him off of nursing altogether you will feel a lot better and a lot less stressed. Just make sure he gets special mommy time in other ways to compensate and make him feel better.
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 10:26 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • If they are old enuff to ask for ninny its time to cut them off. Give him a sippy cup...tell him he is a big boy and the baby has to have the ninny now. It will be better for both of you.
    Sandyr911

    Answer by Sandyr911 at 10:26 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • I don't think your bad mom just stressed and over worked its hard nursing 1 let alone 2. Only you can decide if you should wean him< but maybe cut him back to bed and nap and suppliment the rest of day-he should be ready for cup make change fun and not stressful for him. Make it a big boy step and not a punishment
    raisingmen

    Answer by raisingmen at 10:26 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • i would of stopped when he learned to drink out of a sippy cup..
    niftymisty

    Answer by niftymisty at 10:32 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Oh, honey. I've been there (sans the tandem nursing). My first was a challenge... every 2 hours through the night until 14 months and just really, really needy all around. He's classic "high needs". Then his brother came along and was the perfect baby. Ate every 3 hours, slept 6 at night from 3 weeks and never complained about anything. Comparing that to my still needy, whiney, clingy 3 year old and I felt like the worst mom in the world for loving the baby more.

    Honestly, it passes. I was hard in love with my baby for a really long time... but things change and they start to balance back out. The baby grows into a tempermental toddler and the big kid gets easier and more independent. My kids are now 21 mo and 5 and I love them both so much and in such different ways. Hang in there, things will get better. Remember that the 2's are meant for trying your patience.
    LeanneC

    Answer by LeanneC at 10:48 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • You are not a bad mom..just super stressed with a lot to deal with.
    I would try to get him on a sippy cup during the day to help relieve some of the pressure to nurse him all the time. Have someone watch the baby once in a while so that you and your son can have some quality, fun, positive time together..and then have someone watch your son so you can have time with your baby. Being a mom is not all about nursing, although it can feel like it when you are feeding two! I was still nursing my son (1yr) when my daughter was born, It was hard at first but I weaned him gradually and gave him extra attention instead of nursing him. He hasn't nursed in 9 months but still asks for it when he gets jealous or wants attention. That's my cue that I need to spend extra time with only him to reassure him that he is my special big boy :).
    tobys.mommy

    Answer by tobys.mommy at 10:51 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • MaMa...the ONLY bad mom is the one who beats her baby. PERIOD. You're normal! And so is your toddler. Even if he wasn't nursing he'd be VERY demanding of you... that's what they do

    Now, if you want to set limits, you can. You can set time limits on the nursing. Or tell him he may only nurse after certain things he understands (after Barney or the like). You can also bribe him with a big boy privilege in exchange for giving up a nursing session.

    But no guilt needed... unless you want to feel guilty about having another baby in the first place... which is the real crime in the toddler universe.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:53 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • And what's up with all the horrid answers? There's no reason to wean him if she doesn't think he's ready, he's still getting a great deal nutritionally... do you think your kids don't get anything nutritionally from the cows milk you give them? You *can* set boundaries and it will take a while for him to get the picture (as with anything with a two year old)... but it's totally up to you. (and I'm sure he already drinks from a regular cup.... do people seriously think breastfed toddlers don't drink other fluids?)

    Set rules and enforce them. If you only want to do morning, nap and bed... then stick with that. He'll adjust. Make sure to get plenty of time with him during the rest of the day as the way he's asking so often sounds like an attention grab. Fulfill the need he's trying to fill for himself (easier said than done, I know) and it will get better.
    LeanneC

    Answer by LeanneC at 10:57 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • at 2 he should be drinking out of cup not on you ,yes he needs the milk but time to let him go
    just think at 21 still sucking on mom lol this not good for you or your son and when you do
    you will feel better oh yes it will be hard but in the end it will be worth it
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 10:58 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

  • Your not a bad mom...I commend you for BF'ing both. i am not sure I could do that and I am huge on BF'ing!!! But two at once is a challenge then two at different stages even harder.....I personally would of tried to wean befrore the baby came. I had a colicky one too and thats really really hard.

    I weaned all my kids slowly starting with the easiest ones like day time by distracting them then last the night feedings.....
    hill2

    Answer by hill2 at 10:59 PM on Jan. 6, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN