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Okay, as many of you know, my dearest son passed away yesterday. My problem is this, my daughter came to me today, and asked where Travis' aftershave was, it had been in the livingroom on the coffee table. I didn't have a clue. 'With Travis gone, there are 4 of us in the house. Myself, my daughter, my step-son, and my daughter's father. His name is Bill, and he is a complete asshole. He drinks, if he's not at work, he's drinking. All the times that Travis tried to quit drinking over the past year, Bill has been waving his rum under his nose, drinking it right in front of him, and leaving his full cup of straight rum on the coffee table when he left the room, like daring Travis to go ahead and drink it! I HATE THIS ASSHOLE! But I put up with him so his daughter can know her dad. So you can understand why I feel that he was partly responsible for Travis' death! Well, the morning that Travis died, he was sleeping on the couch when my daughter came in the door. Bill was sitting there watching TV, and he instantly started in bad-mouthing my son to my daughter. Travis had actually woken up, and he heard the whole thing! So all that day he was really hurt and pissed off at Bill, and I think he actually would have tried to kill Bill, but I kept coming between them.
So there was no love between the two men. Well tonight my dd walked into my room after her dad had woke up and gives me the aftershave! She got it back from him! Then I went into his room after he left for work, and looked in his drawers and found a Craftsman bit set that Travis had just gotten for Christmas from his Grandmother!
My question is this: Am I overreacting to be so upset about this? Should I leave the bit set in his drawer, and ask him for it in the morning? Should I take the set, and not say anything? My first reaction was disbelief, that this brainless moronic asswipe, would dare to take my son's things! He doesn't even own a drill! I now own ALL of Travis' tools. And ALL of Travis" tools are going to stay right where they are! The sorriest thing about the whole mess is that if I ask him in the morning, he won't have a clue where they went! Because he is incapable of telling the truth about ANYTHING! And I know that Travis would not want him to have a thing. Travis hated him like I do, we used to sit and laugh together about his stupidity, and the brainless things he would say and do! HELP ME PLEASE?


Asked by MamaAlice54 at 1:43 AM on Jan. 7, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (4,356 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • What an ass!! I also agree with Noosa. Your daughter probably already knows what u and your X don't like one another. As for the drill TAKE IT!! Tell him u will use this drill and drill it into his sorry ass. Tell him to get the hell out of there, hes a waste of space, and go to some where else and make their lives miserable, or something like you will bury his sorry self in the back yard and plant roses there and remember hes was a pathetic prick! (pun intended)" lol

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 2:54 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • You hate this man, how is this a good thing for your daughter? Take your sons belongings you do not have to explain it to him or anyone else. I am so sorry for your loss, now take care of you and your daughter.

    Answer by Noosa at 1:59 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I am sorry for your loss! How awfull this man is treating all of you! I think you should tell him to get out before anything else happens.

    Answer by -KaylaLee- at 2:04 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I would take the drill set & then tell him to find somewhere else to live. Living under the same roof w/ him when there is so much hatred isn't healthy for your daughter either. She is even going & getting / stealing things back from him too so better that he's not even in your home where he is able to do those things. He needs to take his sickness (drinking) & go somewhere else

    Answer by bethany49 at 3:58 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • First, I'm sorry for your loss. My sister died 4 weeks ago & 2 weeks ago a friend of 16yrs. I'm from the Oregon coast. It is not easy to depend on someone who is sick and has an addiction. I know, my sister lived with it for 24 yrs. It destroyed her, all her girls married men just like their father - mean & selfish drunks! They all have mental/emotional problems that are now being passed on to their children. It is a horrible cycle with no end in sight. I hope once your husband leaves, you will find someone to talk with to get some balance back into your life. You don't want to end up like them being bitter and hateful. No good comes out of it. You need to find a reason to live a better/happier life for the sake of your daughter & yourself. She needs to know that it's possible to have love, laughter, and success for her future. I hope you have some support & others to love on you. You deserve to be loved! hope this helps

    Answer by WalknWithGod at 6:49 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Wait you put up with an asshole so your daughter can be exposed to an asshole? Sorry for you loss, but you need to kick him out or leave! No question about it!

    Answer by salexander at 10:07 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Thank you both, I am going to take the bit set, and just not say anything to him about it. I maintain civility and we don't ever argue in front of my daughter. In fact, she doesn't know half of what goes on. My father walked out of my life when i was three, I still remember the last time I saw him. My mother never let me have contact with him or any of his family again. I promised myself that my children would all know who their daddy's were and where they were at all times, and that I would never come between them and their fathers. After I left Bill, when she was 1 year old, I kept making trips from our home in Oregon to San Diego, so she could see her daddy. When she was about 3, he moved and changed his phone number, and didn't contact her until she was 11 years old, when he invited her down there for Christmas.. It was really hard to let her go, but my other ex lives down there and he was my backup plan, (cont)

    Comment by MamaAlice54 (original poster) at 2:43 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Should she want to get out of there at any time, for any reason, my other ex would have picked her up and seen that she got home to me. After that visit, he would call her in November, promise her anything she asked for, for Christmas, and then she wouldn't hear anything from him till time for her birthday, with the same old routine. Never got what she had been promised. So since he finally moved up here 3 years ago, every dime he makes has been spent on Desi! I make sure of it! I try to get his rum money out of him too, but I'm not very successful there. I have 5 months to go until she is l8, then he says he is moving out, but until then he has to stay, because I need his rent money to pay my monthly expenses!

    Comment by MamaAlice54 (original poster) at 2:49 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Thank you guys for helping me put this into perspective. And I am so sorry for your recent loss WalknWith God. I don't know what I would do if I lost my sister! She was the first one I called when I found Travis, and she's the first one I call whenever anything happens in my life, good or bad! In fact when I wrote this last night, I had been trying to call her and hadn't reached her! She finally called me back, and I told her just about exactly what I had written, and how upset I was, and she told me "Alice, put the evil out of your mind. God has you on a cushion of His love right now, that is surrounding you. This is just the devil trying to get through that cloud of love you are surrounded by!" I realized she is right, and that thanks to all of my dear friends on CM and Facebook, I do feel the love and prayers that are being sent my way. That waste of air is not going to bother me now.

    Comment by MamaAlice54 (original poster) at 2:19 PM on Jan. 7, 2011