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2 Bumps

what do u think about staying in an unhappy marriage "because of the kids" ?


Asked by maya123 at 3:53 AM on Jan. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 20 (9,544 Credits)
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Answers (11)
  • What do you think about improving your marriage 'for the kids'?

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:55 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • It's not good for the parents or the kids.

    Answer by Honda309 at 6:06 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • My parents tried that with me. Kids can tell when things aren't right.

    Answer by arenad at 7:15 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • It does more harm than good.

    Answer by older at 7:45 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I was in an unhappy marriage for 20 years, some good, some bad. What I can say is the children know and it is not good for anyone involved. I am scared to death too and trying to move on and am getting a divorce. I never ever thought I'd get a divorce. I am in my 50's too.

    Answer by mollgirl at 7:50 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • To strictly answer the OP's question and not put another spin on it...

    I think it's a bad idea and not only am I happier for having left my ex-husband, my son adjusted pretty well and he sees me happy now, and he's starting to see my ex happier now - which is good because he was always so miserable and mean to him and to me.

    Staying for kids isn't really 'for kids'. Kids know when parents are unhappy and they know when there are problems, resentments and anger - even if you don't say a word to them or in front of them. Trust me. I've had people say their kids would say 'what took you so long' when their parents decided to divorce and not keep staying for the sake of the children.

    Answer by rio_burb at 8:38 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • It depends on the source of unhappiness. I think if it is at all possible, parents should stay together for the sake of the children. I tend to believe that having children-which is a conscious decision- defines the point of no return in a marriage. You have to put them first and think of their emotional development first. Divorce is a terrible thing to put any child through and it affects them the rest of their life. That said, there are some serious considerations and exceptions where divorce is the best option, such as cases of adultery and abuse, in my opinion.

    Answer by spottedpony at 11:29 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • i did it for 31yrs i have good days then bad days
    my kids came first no matter what i guess he could not understand that
    they are now young adults i love to move on but
    and that just it but
    but where to i start
    but where do i go
    but will they ever forgive me
    but can i do it alone
    i am no longer young my self over 50yrs it is hard to start from the being
    i think my fear is i know i can do but -----------------------------------------

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 6:43 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • I kind of agree with the others, but also disagree. I think that staying in the marriage and fighting for the marriage for the kids is the best thing in the world. No one always has a happy marriage. There are going to be bad times, and its pushing through those that will teach kids what true commitment is about. Some times there may be a year or two of unhappienss, but as long as at least one in the marriage is still fighting for it is what is best for the kids to stay. And as long as they can be mature, treat eachother with respect, etc then its best for the kids to stay (divorce is horrible on kids). But if its like my husbands parents where they dont even speak to eachother, then its definitly best to split ways, and move on.

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 10:17 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Bad thing. The kids know when you are unhappy you cant force it. I did it for the first three years of my sons life but circumstances were worse. I am remarried my son is so happy and doing wonderful, he has ADHD but he is 10 years old and has come along way he turns to our lovin g coping family skills, no anger, yelling or fighting,
    Dont stay for the kids. Happy mom=Happy kids. Please do it for there well being they will adapt and cope as long as you work together to help them.

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 11:20 AM on Jan. 7, 2011