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I got jealous, I feel bad, was I wrong?

Our marriage is good, he is not a cheater or a liar. He despises cheaters actually because he was cheated on so much in the past. Recently he was playing world of warcraft (we both play) and their is a girl in our guild that is near our age. They were chit chatting back and forth for awhile and I know this girl is the "needy attention starved" type, not married and kinda flirty, its obvious. She is like that with everyone to be honest. They were not talking about anything inappropriate, but he doesn't normally chit chat like that so much with someone unless they are doing something together in game and they were not. I got jealous, I felt that churning in my stomach and I had to stop what I was doing and log into the game. He playfully asked me what I was up to and without thinking I blurted out "you've been talking to her in game more than you talk to me in game!" He was shocked and said your sitting right next to me, why would I have to type to you? I can just say it and you talk to people in game sometimes, I don't care. He was mad and said he always trusts me and would not care if I was chatting to a guy in game and he was offended that I got so jealous and that it showed distrust from me. I do trust him, I don't think he is going to run off and do something with her or start talking outside of the game..., so I am not completely sure why I felt so sick to my stomach about it and jealous. In the end I apologized and he said he wants me to give him the same trust and respect that he gives me, as he put it if a gorgeous man was trapped in a room with me all night long wearing barely anything he would not have to ask if I did anything wrong because that is trust and with me snapping like that he doesn't feel like I have that same trust. I didn't mean to make him feel that, I do trust him, he's a good man and very honest. How do you stop these jealous feelings from taking you over, what do you think causes them? Ive been thinking about getting a new haircut etc. just getting myself done up and a little bit of change to improve my confidence because after being with someone for years you start to feel like they are so used to you if you walked in with a new hair due, nice outfit etc. they might get that surprised OMG feeling you don't always get after years of marriage, I think that might help because I'm assuming my jealousy might be linked to some confidence issues. What do you think? He is a good husband, I don't want to act like a jealous controlling wife again. Thoughts?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:45 AM on Jan. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Yes you were wrong and its good that u were able to recognize that but I think those feelings are normal! I love and trust my husband but there are just certain times and certain women that make my skin crawl. Gotta learn to bite your tongue or talk to him about how youre feeling (maybe he'll give u some good reassurance and make u feel loved and feel better about whatever the situation might be!) Don't change u for him...if getting ur haircut will make YOU feel better then go for it!
    randibosin

    Answer by randibosin at 5:51 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • i agree with randibosin. but i can relate to how u feel , ive had jealous bouts like that before and i think its petty when i do it but sometimes u cant hold it in. ive always had high self esteem and thought highly of myself, but these days being pregnant and all i dont feel so attractive so i can totally understand where ur coming from. I think a makeover will be great...for you mainly it will boost ur self esteem and id ur feeling sexy and confident that will shine through ! remember though he married you for you so no matter how any girls look youre the one he loves ;)
    MsBrazil86

    Answer by MsBrazil86 at 6:36 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • It's good that you apologized to him, reading this made me feel bad for him. It does sound like you have some confidence issues - I think that's where you need to start. Get the haircut you talked about, or a new outfit - something that's going to pump you up. I'm sure your DH believes in you, it's time for you to have that same amount of belief.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 7:09 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Well, I for one actually think you were justified in your reaction, and it wasn't petty or silly jealousy. I can't tell you how many people use the line he gives you...."I would never cheat because it happened to me." Blah, blah, blah. I have heard it before in friend's relationships and guess what? They have cheated! It doesn't mean a thing sorry to say.

    Anyway, yes he was chit chatting with her extensively because it is is fun to flirt and the attention she gives him was a little exciting and flattering. Deep down you (and he) know that is the truth of the matter. And that is why he honestly got so upset. That is called a defense mechanism. He has no business flirting, unless the two of you have that kind of agreement in your marriage. Chatting with an online stranger who is female is not ok in my book, and apparently yours. If it means nothing to him, then he can drop her, right? Let's see if he does.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 11:17 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • ...And one more thing that you may wish to point out to him is that "she" might actually be a "he." Many of the online gamers are men who impostor women and talk sexually to other men. That is a fact. That might make you feel a little laugh and give him something to chew on for awhile.

    But he is definitely the one who should be apologizing to you, and I would shelf the online gaming for both of you for awhile if I were in your shoes.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 11:22 AM on Jan. 7, 2011

  • Update, he told me"if your jealous over something,justified or not, or you think I'll get upset for a moment,be honest and tell me how you feel, we'll figure it out" I liked the fact that he let me know although he was offended with my jealousy, he still wants me to be honest whenever I have an issue and not bottle it up. .He has been typing me little messages in game a lot more even though he is also sitting right next to me talking so a positive came out of it,it made me smile that i see him taking my feelings into account although he didnt agree and he didnt send anyone else pvt messages but me which I know he was doing just to show me none of that matters to him. We fell asleep cuddled together lovingly last night after a very nice bit of making love *blush* so it's all worked out
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:39 AM on Jan. 8, 2011

  • Stop playing the game s and go out together or be together ...geees ...Think about what you are saying???Mabe you play too many games???good luck.
    grismelda

    Answer by grismelda at 1:46 PM on Jan. 8, 2011

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